Friday, 25 August 2017

A Post About Abortion: Because It Matters

Right now, I have a friend who is making one of the most challenging decisions of her life.  The decision to choose what is best for her, when faced with the unexpected news that she is pregnant.  And I guarantee that you probably do too and just don't know it.  This is not an easy subject to write about, nor is it a comfortable one for you to read about.  However it is an issue that affects each and every one of us in one way or another.  If you have ever been in this position, you know the roller coaster of emotions.  You know the feeling of wanting it one second, and hating it the next.  The gut wrenching pain of feeling like your a monster for even considering termination and then the overwhelming selfish feeling when you decide to put yourself first, even for a moment.

Every single reader of mine knows someone who has been through this decision process.  Every single pregnancy comes with it, the dreaded doubt, even if for a second.  These decisions do not come lightly and they are further influenced by a range of hormones that catch every single female off guard.  This is again something that affects each and every one of us, male or female, with or without a designated gender.  As a species we have survived because we can procreate.  And as a female, we have been equally shamed and praised for this gift depending on race, culture and/or religion.

The female of our species has the often magical and incredible ability to create new life, right inside our own bodies.  And because of this females are often raised with the notion that this is our most important life goal, to create new life.  It is our gift to humanity, and in many places around the world and throughout our evolution, our singular purpose.  With the immense weight on our consciousness, do not think for even a second that the decision to terminate can ever be the easy way out.  It is not and it never will be.  But very often, it can be the only decision and in some small instances the ethically correct one.  I go into the reasons in more depth here, so I won't repeat myself.

Now I know I wrote a few months ago about how stifling it was that social taboo dictated I could not publicly talk about my sex life, slightly in jest.  But here I have found a much bigger issue.  When woman are at their most vulnerable and need support the most, we do not have a way to reach out.  We cannot make a public calling asking for love and support when we find ourselves in an unexpected situation like this.  The network of support is firmly closed for us.  As women we become isolated, and almost castrated from our social and family circles.  Even the woman who find anonymous forums for support, risk the wrath of trolls.  Those cruel and uneducated souls, who believe it is their mission to stir up the status quo, or worse, preach their own religious crusades and verbally harass woman.  In many places around the world keeping or adopting is the only solution that is acceptable, or even legal, and that needs to change.  We have an ethical responsibility to ensure that each individual has equal access to health care that is sanitary, regulated and wherever possible free.

So what can and what should you do as loving, caring and ethical member of the society that we live in?  Remember first and foremost, that all humans should have a right to do with their own bodies  what they choose and live the way they see fit.  If your belief system is one that forces you to publicly shame other human beings, for making their own decisions about their life, then you need to reevaluate your religion and personal values.  It is not up to every member of our society to have to rationalize their behaviors or actions to strangers so long as they impact only themselves.  And finally, if you know anyone in this situation, listen to them.  Give them a hug, and let them feel free to express the vast range of emotions they are going through.  Each member of our society has value, and no one should be ostracized for doing what they feel is right or best for them at the time.  You do not have to agree with the difficult decision to abort, but you do have to accept that if the decision is made, the woman is still human and deserves autonomy, safety and care, free of public judgement and shame.  As each woman knows, we judge ourselves enough and do not need any help from anyone else.

Thursday, 3 August 2017

Online Dating: Do and Do Not Top 5 List

Online dating has been and remains a large part of how I find new people to interact with.  I have been using various sites for over 8 years, and while I have changed what I am looking for (couples only at the moment) I have created for myself a list of Do's and Don't s.  Now I acknowledge I can be a little on the picky side, however I have 3 fundamental items that time and time again I will not waver on. 

1. Do NOT send a dick picture when online dating...EVER!  This rule is hard and fast without any exceptions.  Do not have one in your profile, and do not use your dick as an ice breaker or conversation piece EVER!  No one wants to see your random junk.  And I like many out there have written a piece or too begging guys to stop this deviant and deplorable behavior, so if you still don't understand please read this for further insight.  (Please note that I love the cock and I appreciate seeing it within the bounds of my relationship.  This advice is for online dating and is to be applied until you are in a relationship or have been explicitly asked for one, and even then, I would double check prior to sending a photo of your dick!)

2. I want to see your eyes in at least one photo.  If you have your eyes covered in every single photo I will never meet you, EVER.  This is a lesson that I have learned via trial and error.  I have given a few guys the benefit of the doubt over the years and have always come home disappointed.  Eyes are the most important image to have on your profile, and I have talked to numerous people of all genders and looking for statuses who say the same.  Eyes tell a lot about a person and I want to see them before I start chatting and long before I sit down to coffee or a beer.

3. Please for the love of my sanity do NOT have your children, or any child in your profile picture.  I don't care if you are holding them or if they are so adorable that you feature them with you off in the background.  Whatever your intent, it is a bad idea.  Online dating is for adults.  Your children did not give consent to help you get laid, and I could go on and on about the creep factors associated with this particular picture choice.  No matter how important they are in your life, online dating is about you and meeting another person.  You would never bring a kid on a first date, so do not use them lure someone in.  Just, stop it!

Now here is where I need your help readers.  My title for this post says top 5, and I have only written 3.  I want to hear from you, your must haves, complete hates, whatever is most important to you in the world of online dating. You can tweet me, @K_Ghislaine, DM me, facebook msg, comment on the bottom of this post or even text me your suggestions (if you know me), that one thing that you will not sway on.  I will update this post accordingly and the intention is to improve peoples online dating success!

I have a few suggestions to help get the juices flowing, from not having a profile picture at all, or perhaps you are tired of seeing all those damn dead fish shots.  Either way, I would love to hear from you to help me finish this list!

***Thank you for the feedback! And without further ado, may I present number 4 and 5 for the completion of the do and do not online dating list***

4. Cropping out your ex or scribbling out her face is bad form.  Do not do this!  If your best picture is of you with your ex, pick up that handy little cell phone in your pocket and take a new one.  Better yet, take a shower, get dressed up and get a friend to take a brand spanking new photo of you.  But do not have a photo where we can see a ladies arm, or some crappy smiley face pasted over your old partners face.  You can do better!

5.  Group shots as your profile picture is one of the worst ideas to use.  Here's what happens when I see this.  I guess who you are, then I scroll to the next photo, and see yet another group shot.  So I guess again and then I scroll only to finally see who you are.  And low and behold I am disappointed.  Either I guessed wrong, and I dislike losing.  Or I see who you are and I am not impressed because my time has been wasted.  Is our first meeting going to be with a group of your bros?  No?  Then put your own photo up first.  Do not waste my energy guessing who you are.  It won't end well for you, or increase your status.  And really ladies, I must pick on you here too.  Your group shots are far worse than any I have seen on a man's profile.  And did you get permission from every lady in the group to post that ridiculous shot of you having so much fun that one time 10 years ago at the club?  No?  Then just take it down!

And an honorable mention goes to snap chat or filters.  It should go without saying that we wanna see you.  Not some adorable faun with bubbles that looks oh so delicious.  It's lame and makes you look incredibly immature and just tad dumb.  So, be real.  Be authentic.  And ask yourself how you would react to the photo's you put up before you activate your profile.  Would you want to meet you?

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