Thursday, 29 June 2017

Swing Club Ice Breakers: The Censor Bar Costumes!

That nervous excitement of wearing what you dare, and we do dare, to bare it all… almost.  The costume idea came to me months ago.  Could we really show up to a swingers party wearing nothing but censor bars covering our bits?  A combination of loving to dress up, understanding the amazing power of the costume ice breaker and being comfortable naked created the perfect trilogy of traits to bring this, over a few beers, costume to life.

As I mentioned in my last post, I was feeling a devilish excitement with regards to this risqué costume, and as we went into full arts and crafts mode to bring the idea to life, there were flashes of nerves popping up here and there, but overall we were excited.  We kept asking each other as we created each piece, “are you ok with this there?” and “will this be easy enough to take off?”.  Courtesy checks and dismissing of previous comfort levels abounded as we cut out cardboard and test fit string, there was no room for our normal comfort zones with these strategically placed bars.  And then came the sexiness test, which is one of the most fun aspects of arts and crafts time.  Does the costume actually get the blood pumping?  A few glorious yesses later and we were ready to depart.

The swing party house that we attend is set in such a way that you can really make an entrance.  Once you put down your coat and such, you go down a staircase that feels almost like a grand ballroom foyer, where by the majority of the guests stand to the right mingling, and facing the staircase.  Being in that space is the perfect people watching location, and with drink in hand, you can meet, mingle, and see all the new faces make their couples nervous entrance.  And that is just what we did, wearing nothing but our bars, we took a deep breath and started down the stairs, in the daylight (The joys of it being light out at 9PM)!

The first few steps were tough, but before we were even halfway down, the excited and very interested exclamations of the group below started to reach our ears.  And all nervousness was replaced by beaming pride.  We did it, we were brave, we bared it all, and the guests loved it!  This costume was the perfect combination of sexy, and ice breaker.  All the guests wanted to know the mystery behind how E kept his bar on (any guesses?).  And many people were delighted to find that my “bra” could be flipped up for easy access.  Meeting new friends, and socializing is such a breeze when your costumes make all the introductions for you.  “Hi, we are K and E, and we are exhibitionists who are confident, fun and sexy!”  And you know, after that party, any trace of fake it until you make it, that I may have had is gone.

We took the irony of censoring nudity at a swingers party and created a costume that encouraged the rapid dropping of clothes and a very hot, half nude dance party.  Which got the blood pumping for almost all the couples to sneak away for their sought after fun quite early on  Your flaws just don’t seem to matter at that point.  You forget everything at the door, all societal norms those nagging restrictions and you can just be who you are in all your sexy, raw glory.  For being relatively new to the lifestyle, I have no feelings of being an outsider or have hesitations as to what is permissible, we are just having fun, living in the moment, free.  So, thank you to the ladies that let it all hang out at the previous parties.  You gave me the complete confidence to push the envelope myself.  It was amazing, I love it, and I am not sure I can ever go back.  I am no longer censored.

Thursday, 22 June 2017

Body Image and Swing Clubs

In 2013, I wrote a little post called Comfortable Naked, and in it, I described how I am quite comfortable with my naked body and am very happy to strip in front of a camera.  Showing off is quite an exhilarating experience for me, and once those clothes are off, shyness is pretty much gone.  Now this is true in my home.  I will walk around topless, bottomless, whatever I feel at the moment without much hesitation other than to cover up the second I get chilly.  Now for a moment of hard truth, I am nervous and a little shy when I leave my house in sexy attire to go to the swing club.  And the reasons are due to a silly little myth that I was told as a teenager to keep my sexual attire in check.  I was told to never show off more than one sexy body part, or you would be labeled as a slut.  You can go out showing cleavage, booty, or a little midriff but never more than one at a time or you are looking for trouble. 

This little statement has dictated my attire my entire adult life, especially when I go out for a night on the town.  And let me tell you, breaking away from this to attend a swing club is damn right difficult!  I love the way my breasts look in a bra, despite how badly it hurts my back.  So when I go out, I want my boobs to look their absolute best.  And I know my butt is tiny, so I divert attention to my cleavage and my fairly flat tummy whenever possible.  These are intentional actions that have ruled my clothing purchases for over a decade.  But the dress code is turned upside down at a swingers club.  It is a whole different set of rules or rather lack there of.  It is a place of freedom, not myths and restrictions.  And this is where the opportunity to break yet another stigma comes into play.

The ladies I have seen at the swing club usually amaze me.  Woman ranging in age from early 20’s to late 50’s, and every shape and size have embraced their sexual freedom.  There has yet to be an outfit that I have cringed at.  Each woman dresses her sexiest and owns the look.  I admire these woman and look fondly at each for the expression of their courage and freedom.  And don’t misunderstand, I am dressed just as sexy and fully embrace the themes of the night, but often I feel like I am just faking it till I make it.  Well, until the clothes start coming off towards the middle of the night.  That I can own better than most.  Truth be told, the confidence these woman around me exude is contagious.  It’s not like you feel a competition to one up, more you want to feel that same freedom the woman around you do.  You want to strut and prance and wiggle your ass, let yourself be free. 

At the next party that we are attending, we are throwing caution to the wind, with a little theme called “Wear what you dare”.  It will be our most risqué outfits to date and I must say, I am growing devilishly excited about it.  No nervousness, just shear delight that I will be among the brave, sexy woman that I am growing to admire.  I will probably feel those butterflies just before we leave the house, and giggle a bit on the drive out there.  But I know, once I walk through that door and take off my coat, a sexual freedom will over take me.  Embrace the fear! Be bold, sexy, and free.  And perhaps I will even show off the costume in a future post!

Friday, 16 June 2017

Today I Cried...

Today I cried.  To be absolutely clear, I sobbed.  I broke down, alone, isolated with the weight of the world on my shoulders.  I screamed out, “why will I never be good enough?”.  And I covered my face with a pillow as I just let everything I had out.  It lasted perhaps 2 minutes.  My dog rushed over the second my face was visible and he snuggled.  He let me just cuddle and hold him for a few desperately needed moments.  And I got up.  I brewed some tea and I just existed for a moment.  Then I sighed and recognized that my life is moving in a direction that I can control.  And I have a partner, and I am not alone.  But today, on the couch I felt like I was.  I lost it. 

My last few posts have had a clear direction, a voice, and a reason for being written.  My confident personality has shone through and I have grown the K-Ghislaine brand into something I am incredibly proud of.  I started this blog to help me come to terms with Open Relationships and to start questioning the societal norms of relationships that are around me.  But this morning, I had troubles overcoming my shortcomings and focusing on the task at hand.  Today I failed me, in a way that actually scared me.  I wondered if I was making the correct choices, and if the business I am working on will succeed.  I questioned if I should keep writing, and I questioned if I had the right people in my life, on my team and just generally with me.  It was the briefest moment of rock bottom, but my lungs hurt from the sob and I felt so drained as a result, and of questioning that resolve that has kept me moving forward after the most recent of my life challenges this past December.

As I closed the door on the last toxic member of my family last year (or rather had the door slammed in my face) I found a relief or release as it were.  I now count the blessings of that event.  I am grateful that he cut me out, so I could be free from the toxic lifestyle that was consuming me and poisoning the rest of my life.  Aside from this morning of course, I do control my actions.  I don’t blame who I am on my parents or the hardships that are a part of my past.  The doors are closed, and I have found peace of mind to excel in my life without any of their shortcomings impacting me.

I find myself in a period of transition again.  Embarking on a journey that has high risks for my relationship and my financial security.  But it is in these risks that I am finding my stride.  I am discovering things about myself that were laying dormant.  With each word I type, I feel better.  Stronger and more focused to take on today’s task at hand.  I blog because I love it.  I absolutely adore the clarity I get from it, and the relief that it brings when I press publish.  I am an artist and writing is my preferred medium.  I forgive myself for losing control this morning.  My body needed the release and my soul needed to write.  With these two tasks completed it is time to conquer my next challenge and quiet that little voice that sometimes bubbles over, the voice that wonders why it cannot be just a little easier. 

To lose control is not something I am proud of.  But to err is human.  And the most important thing for me, is to recognize why I lost control and learn from it.  To listen to myself, and my inner voice when it calls out.  There is a strength to be found in weakness, and today I got caught ignoring my needs.