Saturday, 26 November 2016

The Shift – Open Relationship Perception May be Changing

I have quite a few musings and sometimes angry rants about how people I interact with are judgmental in regards to my open relationship.  I am now experiencing a shift in thought.  Between media, education and a general societal awareness, open relationships are becoming a more common place term.  And now the questions can begin, still shrouded in judgement, but a start none the less. 

There is still that morbid curiosity from the monogamous, the questions of why, how, and what is missing in your relationship.  But a few questions of late seem to have more curiosity, than actual negativity.   I am not sure yet how to respond.  I have grown accustomed to having my back up, to deleting harassing messages, and to block people who behave in an aggressive manor towards my lifestyle.  Surprisingly, over the past few weeks I find myself having to take a step back, a deep breath and then actually write answers to thoughtful and curious queries.  I never in my wildest dreams thought I would see a shift in awareness so quickly.

It is encouraging to see people learning new things, or at the very least aware of things outside their perceived bubbles.  I see more and more television shows depicting polyamory, and openness in a way that shows both good and bad sides.  Fair, tempered, and full bodied depictions of real world couples trying to find their own happiness.  That is all I want for myself, and for my loved ones.  Love and support in whatever way suits you, if ethics are being followed and respected of course. 


Selfishly, I do hope that this shift continues because I would love a few more couples in my dating pool.  Variety is the spice of my life, and why have 2, when you can have 4 or even 6?  The realist in me knows that I should just keep taking baby steps here.  There is still a tonne of murky water to wade through.  Still so much fear, and misconception, but if I can get a stranger to be kind and curious vs the norm I have come to expect, then I say progress is at hand.  Let the open awareness continue to grow.  People continue to grow, explore and expand their horizons just as I have done.  Education, rather than hatred towards what is not understood.

Saturday, 12 November 2016

Update Post, Family Changes: A New Year, New Challenges

I wrote a post nearly 4 years ago, whereby I questioned the forgive and forget mantra when it comes to family.  I wrote also, that I was done allowing my family to control me.  When I read back through this post I can see that I was a mess, both in sentence structure and grammar, but also in the waves of emotion I tried to conceal.  I was forcing objectivity while hurting so badly.  It is never easy to walk away from a family that does not support you as an adult.  A woman who is trying to find her way in the world, judged from the foundation out. 

But I am very proud to report a few things.  Number one, I closed the door on a family member who emotionally abused me.  Number two, I opened the door to a family member that had been closed out of my life for years.  We offered each other forgiveness and love and are working diligently to have a real father daughter adult relationships.  And I couldn’t be more thankful that he came back into my life during this dark timeline that I am in.   

I broke free of my families hypocrisy.  And rejected the notion that I had to accept them and their words and actions, while they talk about me behind my back and judge me.  Acceptance is a two way street.  My biological dad and my renewed relationship with him is based on this principle.  We do not judge each other, simply try to understand and support.  We are no longer re hashing past events, but rather forging new memories and experiences.  He found peace, and I have found my inner voice.  I can not lament the closed minded people who share my blood.  I can only be grateful to have relationships with those who are open and genuinely love life, themselves and me. 

Finding unconditional love within a few of my family members has helped my confidence in the dating world as well.  I am more open to new partners and less jealous of the past.  It took a few years to really see the truth in who I am and who my partner is. Now that I can, well, I treat myself with the respect and pride I deserve. 


In a Utopian world, this post would be about everyone in my life forgiving and forgetting.  However, this is the real world and this post is celebratory.  I have forgiven myself and by forgetting the past on an individual that never thought I could or would, I have found peace.  Here`s to new and amazing beginnings.  Why wait until 2016 is officially over to move forward?