Saturday, 26 March 2016

Online Profile Pictures

I wrote a post a while back that discusses Fictitious Dating Profiles , geared at men who post fake profiles.  Now I find myself needing to speak out about men with no picture at all.  So here is the way I see this.  I have my picture up.  So in basic terms of tit for tat, if you try and contact a person with a picture, you better have a photo of yourself in return.  It is only fair.  While I have been sympathetic in the past to the multitude of excuses for not having a picture up, privacy, insecure, just don’t want to, blah blah, please understand that there will be no further communication from me.

Why do I draw such a hard line?  It is fairly simple, humans are visual.  I want to have an accurate picture of who I am talking to, prior to making any sort of connection.  There is a safety aspect, too, that I will fall back on when I am trying to be nice.  The whole, having a conversation with someone and then finding out what they look like weeks later, and it’s your next door neighbor old stalker, or some scary stuff like that. 

The bottom line though, I do not like surprises.  I do not find it fun, to make an online connection and then find out that the person is morbidly obese, or completely not my type.  I have a wonderful partner.  I am not looking to find blind love on the internet.  I would rather that no time was wasted on a killer personality (see what I did there?), but someone who hadn’t cut his hair in year or left his basement except to go the occasional drive through window, which appears to be is his only source of nutrition other than the simpler delivery option.

I just cannot take a person seriously that is so afraid of posting a picture online of themselves looking to meet other people.  Are you honestly that scared of the co –worker finding your online profile?  Why?  What is that co-worker doing on there?  Perhaps the same thing you are?  Or are you not allowed a personal life outside of the office?  Ok fine.  You are insecure and truly want your wit and charm to shine through over your looks.  You have decided that you do not think looks matter.  Then why are you clicking on the profile pictures of someone else, and not reading their profile?  Are we a wee bit hypocritical there?  Hey, you’re hot, but I’m not, so don’t be superficial and just pity fuck me OK?

My rational for posting a picture on the online dating sites could go on and on.  But the bottom line is, I want to see the person I chat with.  When we go out on couple’s dates, we check out the pictures of both parties, or we do not go.  Very, very simple.  If reading this makes you feel a little butt-hurt, or your brain is racing with that one excuse that would change my mind, feel free to share.  But also, please include a picture of yourself.  

Sunday, 13 March 2016

Where Do All the Pretty People Play?

We should all know by now that sex in real life is nothing like you see in porn.  There is no soft lighting making us all look like models, it can be sweaty, and the sounds and sights are never what you just watched on the web.  And unfortunately for me, the same can be said for the sex positive poly community.  There are idealized visions of meeting like minded individuals that look and think in a similar way to you.  And well, that bubble was burst when we met a whole group face to face.  How do I put this delicately?  Well, there isn’t a way, other than to say, in a group of 30 or so people, E and I became 10’s.  In every single way!  Optimum age, superstar bodies, visual appearances and attitude simply because our surroundings left much to be desired.  We become that couple that everyone in the room wants to be with, and it is weird. 

On the one hand this situation has its fleeting moment of flattery.  I imagine similar to walking the red carpet, but where everyone wants and tries to grab your ass.  On the other though, we really want to find people closer to us.  We want to walk away full of energy, phone numbers and exciting stories when we get home.  So far, this has not been the case.  So I wonder, where do all the pretty people play?  The people who are physically fit, and want to put their best foot forward for both themselves and their partners?  We do not demand perfection, but we do appreciate looking outwards and seeing something other than obesity, insecurity and wrinkles.

When we went to the LA area swing club, confidence is on the top tier when you look out upon the sea of people.  Many of course, have the take me or leave me type of body and dress code.  But there are a few who take excellent care of themselves, and it shows.  In Calgary, so far, that has not been the case.  Pretty, to me is more than skin deep.  It is an outlook, and a way of caring about yourself, both emotionally and physically. 

We went to a poly meet and greet a few weeks back here in the city, and we both left the night a little depressed that that was the poly representation.  We have that slimy, over confident guy, who showed us a very nondescript picture of his stripper girlfriend who at the last minute couldn’t make it out.  To the woman, who was obviously dragged there by her husband and was terrified of being left alone.  And to the loud and heavy couples who were the majority, and just seemed to me like horny, hungry, hippos.  The women who showed up wearing sweat pants was an interesting touch.  Or the people trying hard to create safe cuddle spaces, and 4 person share your dream events, as an ongoing Saturday evening experience.  I am independent and confident and have no interest in paying money to cuddle on the floor with strangers for validation.  To each their own of course, but I want what I want.  And this type of interaction is just not it.

I want to go and interact with pretty people.  With educated and adventurous type couples who have stories to share, and an understanding and appreciation of their bodies and their health.  I want to meet someone, who is a spark and not just a little flicker.  For now, it seems, E and I will have to continue to travel to find our little adventures, because neither of us have found yet where our kind play locally.