Saturday, 27 February 2016

New Years Eve, The Swing Club and A Migraine?!?

Sometimes health has a funny way of interfering with our best laid plans.  This year, E and I decided that the most awesome way to ring in the New Year would be at a Swingers Club surrounded by hundreds of naked couples in the LA area.  And with tickets purchased and clothing pressed we were off, nearly 1 year to the day we went last year.  When we went on the first of 2015, it was very quiet.  Perhaps 20 couples in total throughout the night and you can read more of my adventures here.  
This year, just driving up to the parking lot, we knew it was going to be a completely different experience.  After a little nerve check and a pep talk in the car, we raced through the parking lot in extremely gusty winds that reminded us for the briefest moment of winter at home.

Once safely inside, and checked in, and we slowly made our way to the bar.  Once a beer was in hand, we were able to look around and asses what we had just gotten ourselves into.  The flyer said that the night was black and white, dress to impress.  Of course that is what we did, with E in his 3 piece suit and me, in a tight fitting long dress.  But as we looked out, we saw every manor of dress code interpretation you could think of.  From fake tuxedo shirts and black pants, to real tuxedos, and even a man with nothing but a leather vest, chaps and cowboy boots.  The woman ranged from the classic tight black dress, to sequenced mini- skirts, right on over to lingerie or topless with hula type skirts.  At $120 bucks per couple, I suppose you paid to wear whatever made you feel confident and sexy.

So here we were, beer in hand, taking in all the sights and sounds multiplied by nearly 20 over the previous year , as we figured there were about 350 couples on hand, plus staff and security, about to ring in 2016.  Walking from the bar to the bathroom was a complete grope fest, which was welcomed from some, and just creepy from others.  Added to it just a bizarre level of mingling and small chat, while waiting in line to get into either the couples washroom or the women only one, but that is what happens when you have such a vast of horny people in one room.  The ages ranged from a group of cute mid 20’s couples, right on up to people in their 70’s, who had probably been coming to this event for decades.  You had to admire their courage, and just the whole, who gives a fuck about age mentality. 

We danced, drank and were just getting into some light flirting and conversation with a fairly interesting couple when my body decided to give me a little surprise.  Remember that massive wind storm that we walked through the parking lot to?  Well it brought with it an enormous pressure change, and my head went from clear and happy to a pounding mess.  So here I am, trying to have a sexy good time, while holding back wincing amounts of pain.  Drinking my water, and moving ever so slowly.  Yup, and I broke a huge rule of mine.  I left my pain killers at the hotel room, because I figured my purse would be too full with ID, condoms and lube.  I was just a horny 30 something year old, wanting to throw my normal responsible self out the window for a New Years Eve.  Someday I will learn, maybe.

I can only admire E, and his reaction to this whole thing.  Here I am, saying I am going to be a trooper and last as long as I can, because we paid for this party and we are going to get sexy.  While at the same time trying to find a dark cozy nook where I could just hide away and not move an inch, which is not easy while there are 700 naked people walking around trying to do the exact same thing, albeit for very different reasons.  We walked around and while I would lean up against a wall and try to relax, he was able to have a really good look around at all the sex crazed couples bouncing from bed and room to swing.  It wasn’t much, but the best I could offer at the time.  We rang in the New Year on the dance floor, with dozens of sweaty people, free of many of the garments they came in wearing, hugging and kissing each other in one of the coolest situations I have ever seen.  It was hard not to feel that for just a moment you were out of body, and just watching, enchanted by the freeness of it all.  I think one of my favorite moments was grinding my man on the dance floor, without a single person judging us for it.  Allowing the music to just let us experience whatever we were feeling at that exact moment.  It was a glimmer of bliss and I forgot for those few minutes the throbbing that was guiding my evening.



I would love for this post to have been about all the amazing New Years Eve sexy fun that we had.  But sometimes life and health just gets in the way of that.  You roll with it, and just do your best.  We did finally find a little nook, and we did what we both do best.  It was hot, but it took all my will power to stay in that moment and not lose control of the pounding in my head.  After all the reflection though, and a year in between visits to swing clubs, E and I got some fabulous dialogue going.  We both know why we enjoy going, can discuss it, and share our wants and needs when we go back.  We are so lucky and fortunate to have found each other.  I love my partner, through all these years, the sexy times and the headaches.

Sunday, 21 February 2016

The Room for Beds

***2016 has started off a little intense for this ole blog of mine.  So, I am going to break things up a little with a fluffier piece.  This will segue nicely into some posts that are waiting in the queue to go up.   

There was an article that came out recently that compared sleeping arrangements between those in the baby boomer age, to those of today.  Specifically focusing on the idea of sleeping separate in two single beds versus the current norm of couples sleeping in a queen or king size bed together.   Baby boomers slept in separate beds and/or bedrooms.  A lot of the research shows that the main reason for this was child raising.   The mother would sleep with the babies and the father could get a full nights rest for work in the morning.  Our generation however has made this sleeping in different spaces quite the taboo.  If a couple is not sleeping in the same bed then it is a sure sign that something is amiss in the relationship.  Every solid couple sleeps in the same bed, hence why we have gone to great lengths to even make mattresses with two different levels of firmness in one queen sized frame.

I was right on board with this level of close minded thinking right up until December.  I read the article and began to ponder why sleeping on the same bed was so critical to a solid relationship.  In the back of my thinking, I recalled E saying that he and a former girlfriend used to have two beds in the same room pushed together.  Thereby creating a massive room for beds.  With E being 6'6", this meant he could actually get a full out sprawl on in a queen sized bed.  The gears in my head were really spinning.  If I could for a moment, pretend that sleeping in separate beds did not indicate that there was something wrong in the relationship, could this allow a fuller nights sleep to have two beds in the same room?

I took out a tape measure, and discovered to my amazement that we had a combination of box springs and mattresses in the house that were within a few centimeters of being level.  I excited asked E, if he would like do do a complete rearrange of the furniture upstairs to create our room full of queen sized beds.  I'm pretty sure that by the time I returned with furniture moving beer, he had already taken the old bed frame apart and was well on his way to helping me create our sleeping bliss.

After a few months of sleeping in separate beds, I can tell you that the benefits far outweigh any social stigma that was weighing on my mind.  He comes over to my side of the bed to snuggle while I read, or to have some adult time.  But when the time comes for sleep, I have the complete luxury of cocooning my blankets and cooking myself out with a pile of blankets.  As for E, he can keep his sheets perfectly tucked in around him.  He can sprawl and move from side to side without interrupting my sleep in the slightest.  We can even get out of bed most times without the other person even waking up in the morning, as there is no motion transfer.  

Our room for beds has been an amazing experience for the both of us.  Solid nights sleep, no loss of intimacy of any kind, and we were lucky enough that there were minimal costs with making the transition.  So just another example of why questioning social norms can be a really good thing, at least for the two of us.  


Sunday, 7 February 2016

The Toxic, and the Closed Door

When I wrote, broken but more than a mere statistic, it helped me.  It allowed me to let go of any trace of discomfort I felt coming from a broken home and being non monogamous.  So my aim, is that by writing the following, I am able to find the same level of peace.  To finally let go of some of the dreams that haunt me when I wake up and to find a sense of release from the pain that I want to not be there.  I admitted that I came from a broken childhood, what I am going to admit now is quite a bit more recent and feels like enough time has passed that it is time to let it go.

I have not had any contact with my mom in nearly 3 years.  I chose to close the door on our relationship because quite frankly it was unhealthy and was hurting any chance of my sustaining loving relationships in the future.  I was physically hurt and mentally chastised by her since I was 17 years old, maybe longer, but admitting that would help nothing as I was a child.  I was taught that my physical appearance mattered more than who I was inside, or that education was less important than being a sensuous and manipulative partner.  I tried for years to be her voice of reason and prevent her from hurting herself or those around her.  I failed, and became a weaker person in the process.  I lost years of my life trapped in  conflict and unaware that I was caught in a web of hate and gossip.  I couldn’t break free for longer than a few weeks at a time.  I finally was able, with much support from my loved ones, to walk away.

Every  time we spoke for nearly 10 years, I had to walk on egg shells.  I could never tell if she was going to freak out, start crying, yell or hysterically laugh.  She was so unpredictable that I dreaded answering her calls, and even began having a beer in my hand prior to answering the phone.  I tried not answer her with anyone in the room because I was embarrassed that someone would overhear how we spoke to each other. 

I recall an instance when I had my wisdom teeth taken out.  My boyfriend at that time was too busy to take care of me so he pawned me off on my mom.  Things were OK day one.  She made me soup and hung out with me.  Day two, well, it was completely different.  Not only did I have my wisdom teeth out, but I had sprained my ankle 4 weeks earlier playing soccer.  So I was a bit of an invalid.  My mom and I did what had done a million times before, we played Mario Party, to pass the time.  Here we were, laughing and gaming, when all of a sudden the mood changed.  I teasingly said that if I stole her star I would win the game.  She jokingly said that wouldn’t be fair and I laughingly said, that it would be fun and we could play again after wards.  Well, I stole the star, and she went from happy to insane.  She started screaming that that was not how I was raised and that I was a horrible person.  I called my boyfriend in tears and he sped the 45 minute drive to pick me up.  I was screamed at for the entire time.  When he arrived, my mother actually called me a bitch and kicked me in the recently sprained ankle, laughed and slammed the door shut.   I was 22 years old at the time.  This story is not the worst, or the strangest but it is one that I have replayed over in my mind countless times not really knowing what to make of it.  It does show the lunacy that I dealt with, the immaturity and a brief moment of pain for me.

I had no idea how to handle the Jekyll and Hyde, personality changes of this woman, but I tried until my early 30's.  I tried so hard.  And the result was pain, and conflict within myself.  I realized that I would never want my children around such an unpredictable woman.  And if I didn’t want my kids around her, why in the world would I want myself around her? 

The reality is that I have closed that door, for all the right reasons.  And now it is time to let the memories go.  There is no reason to hold onto all that anger.  To set free the moments that linger in my memory, the hate, the pain, the wondering why I don’t deserve to have a mother love me for who I am.