Saturday, 21 March 2015

Dating Together: The First Date as a Team

In November E and I went on our first date as a couple in over a year.  We met up with a guy who was in an open relationship for a drink.  This was a big step for us, and one that we were very excited to start experiencing together.  We had found the guy online and his picture was quite pleasant.  His e-mails made it sound like he had a girlfriend that was open herself and that this would be the introduction meeting with the potential of the four of us meeting at a later time.  Perfect.   Also it was a great way to rip off the bandaid so to speak and just get out there, as a team.  Thus the time and place were set.

Now a few funny things happened.  One, we had a huge cold snap in this fair city.  Perhaps that doesn’t seem funny, but the fact that we braved nearly 35 below zero to go meet a perfect stranger in hopes of getting some strange has a point of humour to it.  The second is that I took the guys phone number down wrong.  So when I texted to say we had arrived, I had an awkward text conversation with a random and confused guy, plus no way to get a hold of the actual guy. 

Now here is the thing.  The guy showed up nearly 45 minutes late.  Which of course we gave a pass to given the weather.  However, when he walked up, he was easily 20 years older and also heavier than his picture.  I think he was also missing some hair, but I could be a little fuzzy on that detail.  Either way, I would never had known it was him, if not for him sitting down at our table.  I recall thinking we should just get up and walk away.  Had I been alone meeting, I probably would have just snuck out.  Judge if you want, but getting lied to in picture is a big deal breaker for me.  However, having E with me, and after a few subtle get on the same page glances we stayed for a drink. 
The drinks went fine.  We had pleasant chit chat and together learned our first big lesson in dating together.  And that is how to politely reject a person, and who out of the two is the person who gets to pull that trigger.  In this circumstance we decided it would be nicer if I did it while E was in the washroom to save a little face.  Rejection is a tough one to fathom, but imagine the stress and pressure of having two people reject you at the same time?  It was and is a whole new way of looking at dating for us.  And as I am starting to find out, just the first of many hard lessons to be learned.

As a side note though, I do have a social criticism of just how overly polite society is turning.  We would have been within our rights to call this guy out for the fraudulent picture and wasting our time.  Instead, we just pretended that he looked kind of, almost close and had a few beers and some friendly conversation.  We took it as a learning experience, glass half full sort of scenario.  Even the let down, we tried to do as kindly as possible.  I mean you cannot be rude or mean to a person you just met.  You cannot just call a person out, and push that limit of social norms, can you?  As I look back, on this experience, it would have been nice if I had tried not being such a pussy, and calling this guy out.  I am quickly finding out, months later, that I would be enjoying this whole couples dating thing so much more if I could remove that desperate need to take into consideration other people’s feelings before my own.   More on that to come soon.

Monday, 9 March 2015

Freedom of Expression

I adore blogging.  I love the freedom of expression that comes as a result and how I am able to deal and let go with things through the written word.  Lately though this freedom has really come into question for me.  A couple of things arose around a similar time frame and I find myself sitting on 4 or 5 nearly finished posts and yet, the result is that I am unable to press the publish button. 

Firstly, my blog’s host site reviewed their nudity policy.  This had me reeling in defiance, and resulted in me angrily saying that no one will censor me.  I have been researching and studying various ways to gain more control over what and how I post.  Quite soon I hope I will have an announcement over the final destination of my blog, but for the time being, it was just a hindrance to my posting.  I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to continue to blog in the same way, or on the same forum. 

The next issue that arose was one of readership.  I have acquired a few new faces in my inner circle.  As a result of me being open and honest, they are aware of my blog.  Up until this point I have always written with myself in mind, and said screw it to anyone who reads.  These are my thoughts and feelings and although they may be emotional to some readers, my opinion is what fuels my writing.  And I lament that I lost sight of that.  I did not want to write anything that could potentially hurt the relationships that E and I are trying to form.  This unfortunately has led me to bottle a few things up that I have not been used to closing the door to.  I had a really rough day yesterday trying to deal with my emotions on my own, and suddenly I realized, that is the very reason I started blogging.  I was learning how to be in an open relationship and deal with all my emotions.  I realized yesterday just how badly I needed my outlet to put my thoughts and feelings down so I could organize them.  To write without fear of the reactions of others.

My blog centers me, and helps me sort through emotions, especially those that are new to me.  I need that in my life.  And I need to do that free of censorship from any front or angle.  I won’t make a blanket apology, even though I am tempted and feel that it would be appropriate.  I don’t want to be absolved of the reactions or feelings that may arise in reading about the life that I love so much.  I do make mistakes.  And I need to make them.  I need to say what I feel even if that may offend or cause an unexpected reaction, because that’s how I am going to learn.  That is how I am going to grow, and be mature enough to enjoy the life that I have worked so damn hard to get to.  I feel freer after writing this post, and the strength to post what’s waiting is growing.  Phew… it was a very tough few weeks.