Sunday, 21 December 2014

The Couples Dating Pool

Quite often the best dating advice you can give to a person who is struggling to find that special someone is to go out and join a club/team/ or take a class where you can socialize in a non dating specific context.  This advice is sound as it increases social skills, and allows you to mingle with new people in a less pressure filled way.  Sharing like interests or trying something new is a great way to meet new people, and is often a more successful setting than simply online dating.  Basically find a way to just get out there and meet new people.  This is advice I give, have been given and will continue to give to all singles out there.  Now couples on the other hand, that is a whole different ball of wax.

I am not sure what the reaction would be if E and I got all dressed up, walked into a bar and started flirting with a sexy couple that we saw across the room.  It is possible it might end in flattery at best. Or to join a cooking class and start a playful flour fight with that dreamy couple sharing our island.  I mean in a perfect world we would all go home and play for hours simply because E and I think we are that amazing, so who wouldn't want to go home with us, right?

The reality is a little different.  When looking for something very specific, the pool that you are drawing from gets a little shallower.  So you roll with the punches, diversify your search, and put your two best people on the hunt.  You try online dating sites, some very detailed ads, both responding and creating your own, and you lower that bar you set just a little.  Opening yourself up to the possibility that there could be a few surprises in people that you never would have given a chance on your own.  There are now after all 4 opinions to take into consideration.

The diversity out there is quite remarkable.  All walks of life are looking for different relationships than those they were raised or socialize to seek out, not just the rebels or kinky souls.  Regular folks just looking to try new things, new people and make cool connections that they couldn't brag about on facebook.  As a team, as a couple, just like we are.  We have also encountered some who seek a one night party in a hot tub, while others want to journey alone to meet up with a couple to either challenge themselves to please two people or be pleased themselves.  Honestly, it is hard to fully describe this almost sub culture that we are diving into.  The diversity of messages is pretty astounding and I could give examples nearly all day.  It may be a smaller pool of people, but there are a lot of couples out there.

And in trying to find them we keep learning, growing, while keeping in mind that we will be making a few mistakes here and there, but doing it side by side.  It is exhilarating.  And it is nearly a full time job!  We are discovering some pretty rad people just hanging out in this amazing city of ours and hope to travel to discover a few too.  I am learning so much about different relationship styles that it is hard to get every one of them down on paper.  But I will keep trying to share with my readers all that I am discovering.  People constantly amaze me, and couples are twice the adventure...

Saturday, 6 December 2014

November Realization

I am so glad that November is over.  I tried to take on a bit too much and that all escalated to a grinding halt during our dear dark, and cold November.  Typically I balance my work, home, love life with a certain confidence that leaves me with a sense of pride when I look back on the day, and at all I have achieved.  This past month was a bit too much for me. It is rare for me to feel overwhelmed off and on for that long of a period of time.  So long in fact that I look back upon this blog and find it missing in any content for this bleak time span.

If you have been following me for any length of time, you will appreciate how writing centers me.  It grounds me in an almost trance like way, my own form of meditation.  And well, I was so out of sorts, I could not write.

An amazing realization happened out of those overwhelming feelings, that brought me to tears on more than one occasion.  That being the re affirmation that I am not alone.  I have the perfect fitting partner for who I am now, and for who I am striving to be in the future.  The is not something that I ever thought would happen.  I do not believe in "the one", however I do embrace the love of the right now and look fondly towards the future with a man who fits so perfectly it takes my breath away. After all the stressful and amazing situations the two of us have gone through together, we emulate the phrase stronger than ever.  

I call my partner and my being on the same page an amazing thing because there is always that nagging fear that when your partner sees you at your worst they are going to run away.  And it feels rational at the time.  You find yourself hating who you are, having troubles getting happy or just catching a breath.  Who in their right mind would want to stand by that, support and even find ways to cherish the moments when you are just needing a hug because you feel like you have nothing left in you.  This post would have been near impossible for me to admit to anyone anything more than a few years ago.  And to my character I just couldn't write this when I was actually feeling low and lost.  Now however, I feel refreshed and excited for how strong we are as partners.  I hope to share some adventures of the two of us dating shortly and bring a little fun to this blog.