Monday, 29 September 2014

Dating Together, The Start of an Adventure

I have just reached and celebrated the ripe age of 31.  As many of you know, I get very reflecting during birthday season.  It is more important to me than new years, as I recognize it as my personal date of looking backwards and planning frontwards.  This year, I acted on a very important decision that I have made in years past.  And that is beginning the journey of looking for partners to join E and I.  It is one thing to talk about it, to plan for it, and get on the same page.  It is quite another to actually put yourself out there as dating and proud, together. 

E see's my nervousness for what it is, and that is truly remarkable.  I have the butterflies, and antsy feeling.  And what is super cool about that is, I can share every step with my partner.  It is not a fearful dating on your own, filled with apprehension knowing the letdowns that are not far off into the distance.  Instead it is replaced with excitement, challenges and true connections.  First and foremost with my partner, and then exploring what spice is out there.  Expanding our love beyond just our little family.

Now I know I am excited, nervous and a little scared about this new adventure so we decided to be transparent in our profiles to ensure that we can help each other find the best we can.  And of course, the first thing that I have learned in this online process is that many guys do not actually read profiles.  Here is a little sample of the kind of conversations that I have encountered.  This began after I asked if he had actually read my profile before messaging me, and he learnt that it was my boyfriend in my profile picture and we were looking to date someone or a couple together. 

Guy –“Ohhh. Nope, that's kinda gross. Good luck!”

Me –“I can see how you would think reading is gross as is evident by your ignorance and quick judgement.”

Guy –“No no. Reading is good. And i do know you're a good person due to the fact that we've spoken off and on for a couple years now and i'm a good judge of charactor. The gross part i'm referring to is when people have to go outside of a relationship to satisfy one or both partners physical needs. Just my opinion. Not being judgemental, but when i'm in a commited relationship, there's no need to have to share to satisfy any of 'those' needs”

Me –“You don't think saying "that's kinda gross" is being judgemental?

I am not looking for a FWB or anything along those lines. I am looking to expand my love in all forms with my partner. We are both physically satisfied. We also know that we both enjoy a little "spice" from time to time and that comes in the form of new people. We both agree that doing it together will be exciting and fun.

While I understand the notion that one man can completely satisfy one woman or any gender combinations there in, I would simply say that in a long term relationship, it doesn't feel right to me. I love flirting, variety, and being supported and fulfilled body and soul by my partner. I subscribe to the idea that I can have my cake and eat it too. “



Dealing with online trolls and people who just cannot be curious without being an ass is part of being in the online community.  As I have said before, I do often forget that.  I hope that over the next year and beyond there will be a few wonderful stories to share with you all.  A few funny moments, and some real sexy adventures.  In the meantime, let the online dating challenge begin.  

Wednesday, 3 September 2014

Seeing a Gut Reaction

Sometimes I forget that the content I write about is not for everyone.  That the views I have, and how I live my life illicit reactions from people that are less than desirable.  Writing this blog is freedom of expression, but also allows me to build a protective bubble of tolerance.  What I mean by that, is I see my stats grow week by week, regular and new readers alike and it becomes easier to say that what I am doing is starting to become accepted.  That perhaps I am somehow making a difference or at the very least breaking down a few walls of the unknown.

And then I say something to a friend about being open, or make some reference to dating while being in a relationship and I am slapped in the face with reality.  I see the discomfort on the persons face who has known me for years.  I see the uncomfortable stirring in the seat.  And worse than that, I see a form of pain cross their eyes as they internalize what I have said, and they intuitively put themselves in my shoes and are scared.

I write this blog for me.  But there is a massive downside to it.  I do not ever get to see a persons reaction when they read a post I wrote for the first time.  I miss out on the initial gut impact that a few of my more poignant posts have given.  I watch page views rise quickly with my internal musings and slower with my more controversial subjects.  Yet over time, the controversial ones remain stronger and get more repeat views.  I honestly do not know why.

I remember as a young teenager playing the Penis Game.  The rules are, someone in a public place quietly says `penis`.  Then the person beside repeats the word, but a little louder.  This continues until you are basically screaming the word PENIS.  The game ends when you cannot stop laughing or you have been asked to shut up by the poor innocent passerby's.  I used to hate playing that game.  I would watch parents give dirty looks, professional`s glare with that hint of humiliation, and some senior just look onwards with a deep knowing almost reminiscent face.  It was the reactions that stuck with me.  That variance of emotions that at the time made me want to sink as low as possible and disappear.

I felt that talking with this friend about being in an open relationship.  We are so close, that she could not remove herself from the situation.  I saw firsthand a gut reaction.  I don`t think I would have been able to write for so long had there been a medium available that would have show the looks on peoples faces as they read each word I typed.  I am much happier in the world of tolerance I have created for myself within this blog.  I love the freedom and release I get each time I press publish. Not being able to see your faces allows me to keep this organic and about what I really think, and feel without censoring myself or curbing my views to appeal to masses.  It is a double edged sword I realize, but with great value in the long run for me.