Thursday, 31 July 2014

Late Night Lament

You are lonely.  You desperately seek that someone to come home to every night.  You lay awake in your bed for two, for too many nights in a row, wondering what is wrong with you.  Why this solitude, when all you want is a lifelong companion.  That someone who gives you joy.  That someone to come home to each night, and share all your stories and dreams with.  That someone with whom you can finally be yourself with, who will cherish all the little quirks that you hide on a day to day basis with the mass of people who just would never understand.

Then it happens.  You finally click with someone.  You have reached that age where the two of you know with certainty that you match, and match well.  You rush to move in together.  You skip all of the courtship, the ups and downs, and move forward with lightning speed.  After all, you know what alone feels like, so this something new, this someone must be forever.  Of course it is more than a warm body you tell yourself, yes they have their faults, but you are now thinking long term not just an amazing lay.  This is someone who gets you.  Who laughs at your jokes and seems to understand your need to no longer go the journey on your own.  The compatibility takes a stronger role than the lust you felt as a teenager.  You finally found someone who will not hurt you.  Someone who is stable and secure.  You find someone that you can picture growing old with, and you feel comfortable in the knowledge that someday the friendship will mean more than the sex.  You push away the nagging thought that perhaps you are just settling, and there may be someone exciting around the corner.  This comfortable person is real, and your fantasy of lifelong adventure is not.

I have been there.  I have shared this longing, and I have felt that pain of loneliness.  Tempted by the first man who I could picture a future with.  Teased by the promise of not feeling the sting of solitude, and of not having to go through those ups and downs alone.  Haunted by the “what if” this is the best I can ever do feeling.  I cannot tell you are wrong for settling.  I won’t tell you that I disagree with your choice to take hold of the best chance at comfort you have felt in years.  And of course I will not judge you.   I can’t, as that would make me a hypocrite.  I too, tried to live that life.  I too, have felt that it is better to be with the not quite honeymoon forever phase, rather than being alone.  I have tried to create spark when there was none, and work my ass off to fix the mundane rather than be alone again.  I have tried to settle for the here and now without first coming to grips with what the here was all the time, myself.


My mother once told me that she found happiness when she stopped seeking men that challenged her.  That she finally just settled for someone who was simpler, and that gave her more peace.  I hated hearing that.  I was so enraged that a person could just stop living.  I promised myself that that path would never be for me.   I would never give up, and I would never just stop wanting to be challenged.  I find no solace in the knowledge that I might never get hurt again if I settle for the stable man next door so to speak.  Being hurt, and feeling true joy are major elements that made me who I am today.  I do not seek to be wounded, but I will not hide from the possibility.  This is my relationship mission statement.  This is one ingredient that makes what E and I have amazing.  And this is what makes being in an open relationship work for me.  I have complete autonomy over my own happiness, and can choose to challenge or be challenged by my partner and those around us.  I will not allow blasé feelings to ever override that roller coaster of emotions that I am capable of feeling.  This is making a conscious choice not to just settle, and spend my next 70 years in the vacuum of monogamy. 

Wednesday, 16 July 2014

Stampede’s Over; I Can’t Wait to See What Sex Negativity the Media Has Planned for the Next Stampede

So, three years ago the media circus took a long hard look at how STI’s and STD’s rose dramatically during stampede week and cited numerous clinics and how overworked they became the week during and after Stampede.  And I understood the PSA they were performing.  Last year, the focus was shifted ever so slightly to the influx of cheating spouses during this 10 day event.  Including outing a few hotels in the downtown core, for providing locked boxes for guest to check in their wedding rings.  No explanation needed there, I hope.  Now this year, the headlines are focusing on the increasing Stampede divorce rate?  Come on…

I know the quest for the simplest and catchiest tagline is the only way to sell articles (See how I am fighting this by having the longest blog title to date?), but why all the sex negativity surrounding Stampede?  I mean this is no longer about helping the public.  This is a vigilant quest on the media’s part to ensure the public is aware that Stampede kills relationships and is bad for your sexual health.  Stampede encourages sexual infidelity and is a hazard to monogamy.  The million dollar rodeo that is put on every year in this great city of ours is secretly trying to time warp us back to the Colosseum of ancient Roman times, more specifically the party after the great fights.  We are soon going to have massive orgies in the street if we do not head their carefully targeted warnings.  Especially now that the city was kind enough to let us start drinking in bars at 7 am to better facilitate the liquid courage needed to get out there and screw around with every good looking cowboy and cowgirl.


Well, let me set the record straight here.  I have, had Stampede threesomes, done the walk of shame and flirted my little tushie off many a time.  I have also done all the above outside of Stampede.  The media chooses to focus on sex negativity each year because we make it an event.  We allow the media to sensationalize sex.  We allow the media to take the focus of off our rodeo and exhibition, and all the musical acts that join us from all over the world and shift to a tabloid sales pitch.  I should rephrase, we do not allow the
media, we encourage them.  We are becoming a society that lights up at a scintillating, or scandalous headline, and the Stampede has turned into a marketing ploy.  Whether the editors agree or disagree is beside the point, or even if they research and have factual information based on something more substantial than a survey of 10 random people, the result is the same, sex sells.  Stampede sex sells, and as I learned last week, Stampede sluts sell too!  So until next year Calgary, I know you will join me in welcoming the latest headline that appears with sex negativity in the forefront.  I am kind of hoping for some sort of spin on gay cowboys...or cowgirls.