Wednesday, 12 February 2014

Online Dating Catch Phrases

In online dating, there seem to be a few catch phrases that are going around on peoples profiles.  More and more I am seeing two specifically; down to earth, and drama free.  Now I know the good intent with which these requirements are put online, or at least I understood when I first started to see them around.  Now though, I am confident that all meaning behind them has become lost, or muddled which is the way popularized words and phrases go in the English language.  So let me sum up my experience with these terms in hope that by working together we can find more clarity in what we want.

Down to earth, I have seen this on both male and female profiles.  My original thought whenever I see this one, is lament, as I am a skydiver so I spend a good deal of time getting farther and farther away from the earth.  Yes, it is a silly response, but so is this ever popularized phrase.  Are you really meaning that you do not want to date an airhead?  If so, say you are attracted by intelligence, a level of education, or more specifically a discipline of study.  Do you really want someone with solid roots?  Then specify that you want someone who owns their own home, has a solid foundation or close knit family, perhaps even that they are active in the community.  Maybe you do not want to date a dreamer or someone whose head is too far in outer space.  Again, there is probably a clearer way of stating this. Try and state your actual turn ons, those aspects about a person that would help you click, and escalate attraction.  Or maybe you just want to stop dating pilots and flight attendants, and if that is the case, I am pretty sure you can figure out how to be more direct in stating that all on your own.

Next up, is the drama free.  I am at the point now where I cringe upon reading this one.  Who knowingly seeks drama and stress in their lives?  Do you really mean that you seek a person free of any and all commitments?  Children, school, being a caregiver, are a few examples of committed persons, and each is very easy to spell out with real clarity.  Or perhaps you want someone who doesn't have any baggage, i.e. a violent ex, or an impending prison sentence.  Sure, this seems pretty reasonable, however, the term drama free is just too all encompassing.  It is a scapegoat that allows you to back out of any situation that you don’t like. “ Oh, you had a boyfriend in the past who you have joint custody of a pet with?  Well, that is just too much drama, and I like to live my life stress free.  Nothing to stand in the way of my happiness or impede me from doing what I want, when I want.”  This drama free thing always screams to me that the person had a really bad experience with crazy, and is now gun shy.  If you are that afraid of drama, you are going to have a real tough time building a real relationship, because shit happens to the best of us.

In all seriousness though, when I ask a person straight up to clarify what they mean by these two phrases, the answers are always different.  And that is the problem, there is too much vagueness.  Either the person writing is not clear on what they want, or the person reading is unaware of what traits might set the person off running.  So if you are seriously trying to make a connection, or spark interest with a stranger, please try and be clear with what you want.  And know what you don’t want.  Try and take the guess work out of that initial introduction.  It will save a lot of time and wasted effort by both parties.  The goal should be to stand out, seem confident by knowing who you are and what you want.  Avoiding catch phrases altogether may give you an advantage.

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