I have a favor to ask of all my amazing and educated readers, and that is to help me out with a little project I am starting on jealousy. What I would like specifically are any personal stories where you overcame jealousy, or perhaps just felt it in a really strong way. As well as any books or articles that you have come across that made an impact for you on the subject, or even a movie or TV show scene that left an imprint.
Please use the comment section or find me on Twitter @k_ghislaine. I would love to hear from you.
Tuesday, 30 October 2012
Wednesday, 24 October 2012
Our society is repressed when it comes to sex, and because of that repression we become confused as to what is actually appropriate or not. I fully endorse slutting it up for Halloween. I think adults going out and playing, flirting and basically shedding inhibitions is important for a multitude of reasons including the very simple that it just feels great. As I have written before, I am also fortunate to live in a city with a secondary event where sexual repression is shed and that is during our Calgary Stampede. These are great events where the inner slut can come to play in a more public forum, shedding inhibitions with little to no judgement. However, we have made a small mistake in our quest for fun, and that is in not keeping the sluttiness for adults alone.
Sex is for adults, sexual behavior is for adults, sluts are for adults. Short skirts, knee high socks and mocked cleavage are not appropriate for our children. I have heard a couple of times Dan Savage tearing strips out of parents who are trying to be GGG (good, giving and game) when it comes to raising children. And guess what? This is not appropriate behavior. Dressing your children up to show excess skin, or to display sex appeal is not the way to show your sexual openness. It is outright crazy. Adult behavior and actions are for adults and not for our children. I cannot see any well rounded parent handing their 8 year old a joint and saying here, just a taste. And yet when I go to costume shops I see an endless array of slutty, tight fitting costumes for girls ages 8 and up. The manufacturers produce these because there is a demand, and I am perplexed as to why there could possibly be any demand at all.
I would love to blame the media for having sexy toys, and young teens wearing make up on TV, but let us be realistic, even though there may well be greater access to a sexualized market the young teenagers are not spending their own money in obtaining these items. My mom paid for my costume and that meant that she had a say in what I dressed up as, and let me tell you, she was focused on me being warm and not on encouraging me to slut it up. Parents need to stop being such pussies when it comes to their kids, to put their foot down and not allow their children to wear costumes that are intended for adults. I recall being really impressed by costumes that were handmade, or looked unique. I would never have been impressed if one of my friends was wearing high heels and a short skirt thereby slowing us down in the quest for candy. Plus you are going door to door, the very first social networking game. Just as you mentally remember the good and bad candy houses for next year, the candy givers also remember the costumes and creativity, those got the extra handful. If your costume makes that person uncomfortable the amount of candy you are going to receive is decreased.
Bottom line is that children do not need to dress slutty for Halloween. Leave the sluts for adults, and allow the little trick or treaters to enjoy their childhoods free of the stresses that sex brings. Although this has become an adult holiday for many of us, keep in mind that it is the season of candy for our next generation. We need to respect that, and not encourage inappropriate lines to be crossed when it comes to their costumes.
Tuesday, 23 October 2012
Question from my post on getting back to my mission statement : Would be interested to know your feelings or experiences with joining a couple in an open relationship.
First and foremost, I have never knowingly joined a couple who were in an open relationship. That being said I have a growing list of what not to do in these situations as I am starting to be asked both my opinions and participation with a growing frequency. As Dan Savage would say, these are good problems to have, and I agree for the most part. For my own personal tastes I think triads would be very challenging, so challenging in fact that I think the cons actually would outweigh the pros. Short term, or a night of fun and spice here and there aside, I am making an assumption that my anonymous commenter was talking about a more long term situation. That is not to say though that triads do not work, as there are many out there that work incredibly well with lots of communication and love. My preference would be to have two couples, as I think the most could be gained for all partied involved and with even numbers I think there would be less competition and more compromise.
With that being said, there are a few things that I think are very important to do when inviting an additional party to join you in an open relationship. Without a doubt communication with your partner every step of the way is critical. The most important bond is the one with your primary partner and that needs love, reassurance and support for all the emotions that may appear. Once that’s in place recognition that this new person is a complete human being is very important. This person is going to have emotions as well, and should never feel like an outsider (one of the main reasons I would prefer a couple as I think this would lessen the burden of sole support).
Introductions I think are also critical. I have been fortunate in the fact that when I have explored multiple individuals there has been a very solid foundation of trust, so introducing partners has gone incredibly smooth. Recently, I was put in an uncomfortable situation where I was asked to introduce myself to a potential partner through deception. This is not something that I am comfortable with. There is no appeal to me in partners getting hurt, angry or uncomfortable. As well I do not find anything enjoyable about being a third wheel or knowing that I have made someone else feel that way.
The main thing in response to your query is to find an open relationship where the couple is well versed in treating the additional members with love and support. As well to make sure that you are clear about what you want and need to get out of the arrangement. If it is just a night once a month of fun and excitement be clear, and if you need more than that you cannot just assume that the other people will know that. When things go wrong, which they will, learn how to laugh about it and not ignore the issues, healthy and clear communication is very important. I think it can be a wonderful experience, to be the star in someone’s fantasy, but there are always emotions that come up that may surprise you. You need to be in the correct head space, and emotionally stable enough to experience these things to the fullest. One side note, is that if you are looking for someone to play out a very specific fantasy I would recommend getting an escort or someone that you pay for the specific service, rather than putting a random individual through that emotional rollercoaster and drama. Fantasies are great, but you have to be realistic about what a stranger is willing or capable to do, and for their feelings when all is said and done.
Thursday, 18 October 2012
Dear cheating women of the world, you are giving us nice amazing women who are trying to having open relationships a really bad name. Cheating is not the same things as being open, and it certainly is not something that you pull out at the last minute to save your lying little tushies. If you are cheating on your partner because you are not happy, want a little adventure, or are just plain trying to see if something is better out there that is one thing. It is your own choice, and you are beyond free to make it, and of course hurt both your partner and future partners in the process (yes everyone gets hurt). What I have a major issue is with you turning around and saying that you were in an open relationship the whole time. Open means being honest with your current partner and your flavors on the side. This pre-emptively sets the stage for an open dialogue if feelings present themselves or if you decide to have the parties meet for some sexy fun time or whatever. The point being is that every person you encounter is a person with thoughts, feelings and a right to choose how they want to be treated and get treated in return. If they do not have full or at least reasonable disclosure they unknowingly are in a position to get hurt.
The older I get, the more men I run into with whom have broken hearts and are rougher around the edges for it. I have a sneaking suspicion that many more woman cheat than would like to admit. And let us face it, the female gender are largely conditioned in the art of deception, screened by the soothing sounds of seduction. I will admit that in my experience me being brutally honest is refreshing and its own form of seduction, so by all means you are making me look better in the process. But of course I do jest here a bit, in order to try and see a bit of humor, but I am angry at the broken hearts that are left in the wake of cheating.
I believe in open relationships, but I do not use this as an excuse for one night stands. And yes this absolutely limits my options at times for additional partners, but I believe in ethically dating. If someone wants a monogamous relationship with kids, a white picket fence, and me to be a stay at home mom then better to know that right from the start than allow any sort of fantasy to progress. That lifestyle will not make me happy long term. I have known that about myself for years, and I started writing this blog to really help me come to terms and clarity about why that is. So please do a little soul searching before you cheat. It is ok to end things, go on a break, or to sit down and give your partner an opportunity to change his behaviour to make you happy, it is not ok to cheat.
Tuesday, 16 October 2012
I wrote a few rant posts in a row this month so I decided to take a week off of posting (but not writing) to try and get my head back into the game and focus more on my blogs mission statement. It actually became so necessary for me to get back to my roots, in that I had to google my own blog to read exactly the title I gave it; Question Everything: Breaking Away From Relationship Norms. And that at the end of the day this is precisely what I want and love to write about. Every so often I may stray and write a bit of a political piece, for example a woman’s body in politics, or I may just feel compelled to write a letter to the Random Penis. But for the most part I aim to deal with relationships and the differences that exist for myself and those around me.
I am aware that my relationships are a tad outside of the box, and I think differences in viewpoints are worth exploring. The things you can learn about your own likes, and dislikes through sharing in the adventures of somebody else are constantly eye opening and at times remarkable. For example, when I tell potential men that I am in an open relationship the range of reactions is quite vast. The most common mis-conception I get though is the one in which people assume that this is a perfectly acceptable lifestyle for dating but once you are serious then monogamy is the only way to go. The notion that results is one of not being jealous until you love someone especially in the male to female dynamic. On the surface this may seem charming and sweet, but underneath it screams of insecurity and possessiveness. If you are alright with openness without feelings then quite honestly you are doing open wrong.
The people that you date have just as many rights and feelings as those you are in a long term commitment with. And if you are not able to love more than one person at a time there is something hugely missing in your life. Not just for people who date more than one person at a time, but also for those who believe and live the life of monogamy quite happily. My closest girlfriends (who are all monogamous as far as I know) take the time to tell me they love me, and I feel the same. This love takes nothing away from their committed partners, but rather adds to the richness of our lives in a completely platonic way. Although at this point I am not interested or prepared to love more than one man at a time, I do believe that any man I see outside of my relationship deserves respect and honesty. The stigma attached to open relationships and their failure rate is due in a large part to those people who say they are in an open relationship to merely save face or avoid being called a cheater.
But this will all be explored in much greater detail in my next post.
Thursday, 4 October 2012
Ok mom, this is probably one of those blogs that you may not want to read. This is a pre-warning that this one could get a little graphic at times and you may not want to continue but there is a point to be made and it is not intended to be randomly sexual.
I wrote about how I love boobs. And I think it is fair to give my real love a little attention, I love me some dick. I do, there I said it, I really adore a good man’s penis. Unfortunately for me it seems that men may not quite understand why that is. Yesterday, for the second time in very recent history, some strange man sent me a picture of his erect penis. I thought the first time was an isolated incident but low and behold I received another one. Now here is my issue with this, receiving a photo of some strange man’s penis, whom I have never met is going to do absolutely nothing for me. In fact, it actually is about as enticing as sending me a picture of your armpit. A dick is merely a dick, if it is an unknown dick.
Let me try to explain in as mild a manor as possibly can. I, like most of my female gender am not overly visual. I have a few cues here and there, but I am much more scent, fantasy, and memory oriented. A cock is just a cock without something else to it, some action, some fantasy, and more to the point some memory. When I receive pictures of men’s junk that I have had an intimate encounter with, it is an entirely different ball game. I can relate that cock to a memory, to a sensation and most importantly an orgasm. The penis is now transformed from a mere appendage to something much more substantial, it is transformed into something that can make me smile. There is now a role or a part to play in my conscious mind and I can reach a lot of pleasure from that.
Of all the ladies I have talked to, they all agree the idea of receiving a photo of some random guys genitals is borderline revolting. And yes I get that, I love LOVE a great looking dick, if and only if that great looking dick has done more than just stood there alone. I think that is part of the reason why I enjoy male on male porn so much. These men are enjoying their cocks and it shows in their body language and their faces. It much more sexually represents the sensations and feelings associated with that very vital instrument. It is much easier to view and watch the pleasure and fantasy associated with that sort of sexual role. There is a sensuality rather than just the tits and ass show.
Every fantasy out there is individual and if you are one of those rare woman who enjoys receiving photos of some random penis then good on you. I wish never to receive a picture of any man’s dick with whom I have absolutely no frame of reference and I say that with the utmost reverence for that amazing unit that has brought me so much pleasure over the years.
Tuesday, 2 October 2012
My stance as I stated in a recent post in regards to dealing with female “issues” in politics is to simply stop debating about it. If we stop talking about it, it will disappear from the table that it currently finds itself on. I was at the time referencing the US as it seems that every time there is an election a females right to choose becomes a national debate topic. A negatively polarizing topic that sparks controversy and debate from all sides, and yet at the end of the day abortion will still occur. The only change that will result is whether or not the female will be able to do it safely, or illegally with an increased chance of her own death in the process. Unfortunately the past week in my amazing home country of Canada, the debate has been sparked regarding when life begins.
I do not want to debate where individuals are represented on our vast spectrum of opinions, that truly makes this country an amazing place to live. The tolerances gained and learned from living in a country that embraces individuality versus the system of a melting pot is a freedom I love very very much. But sadly I find myself not even able to google the subject that is currently being discussed in the house of commons without being bombarded with each group simply shouting louder than the next. Bottom line is that we each individually have our opinions on when life begins, but what is more important is that these opinions are protected, and not to nationally change our opinions. How many debates in regards to a woman’s right to choose have you listened to, and actually changed your mind one way or the other? It rarely happens, because these debates are not designed to educate or bring new information to the table, instead it is a bureaucratic shouting match.
I will share one story I read in university in regards to when life begins, merely to show that there are staunch differences in opinions that knowledge of does not necessarily influence our way of life, simply broadens empathy. There are groups of Eskimos that practice our definition of infanticide (as the fetus is outside of the womb) but in their society it is a late stage abortion. If when the infant is born there are not enough resources to continue life past infancy the choice is available for the parents to determine whether or not they will allow the baby to survive. As they live in a very harsh environment and the infant will usually take the breast for up to 4 years, this can be too much of a burden to accept every life that is formed. Whether or not you agree with their way of thinking is reasonable or are absolutely outraged that any parent would willingly choose to terminate a fetus or infants life is absolutely your choice to make. But consider the realities if the Eskimos were forced by law to keep every one of their infants and put all of their limited resources into keeping them alive. The potential to strip the very limited resources from the strong and healthy, would have a negative effect on the family unit, and it is safe to assume this group of people would have a decreased capability for survival.
Consider also that the Canadian statics recently released estimate that each child now costs approximately $300,000 to raise. That is a staggering amount of money, and I do not think that it would do our society a great deal of service to force every fetus conceived the same rights and freedoms as a income generating member of our society. Individual’s right to choose what is best for them given their current circumstances is an integral part of our society. I am pained to know that there is even any debate being given to such a sensitive and personal subject. This is not a matter for national debate, rather it is one for the individuals and our rights and freedoms should be protected not forced.