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Monday, 18 June 2012

Eggs, Baskets, Non-Monogamy


Have you ever heard the saying “don’t put your eggs all in one basket”?  To me, living in a monogamous lifestyle feels very much like disobeying this very sound logic.  If one puts all their effort, love, heart and soul into one single person the magnitude of something going wrong will be devastating.  That is not to say that you cannot love and give with your whole heart, but perhaps just maybe it is more about giving with your whole heart to multiple individuals.

As always I will go to my past in order to exemplify my way of thinking.  When D and I broke up in my very early 20’s the first time, I remember the incredible pain.  I drove to meet my mom at a dog show and my eyes stung with tears the whole drive down.  The feeling of not being able to breathe or make words come out true.  It was a pain that was so damn intense I physically remember almost every sensation that my body and mind went through for a good 48 hours.  In short I was a complete and utter mess.  I also had no other loves in my life.  I had very few friends and my mom and my relationship has been rocky since I was a teenager.  I had a few co-workers who helped me get through it which was incredibly sweet.  But as I said, I had no one in my life at that time that I truly loved.  I had found a way to put all my everything, clich├ęd or not, into one man.  When we broke up that first time I lost everything.  I did not know it then, but all my eggs were in one basket so to speak, exactly how I was taught was the only way to truly be in a relationship. 

When E and I broke up in February things were different for me and the feeling of total devastation was just not the same.  This has nothing to do with how much I loved him in comparison to D, but rather what I had done in my life in between these two breakups differently.  In short I have a significant network of people in my life with whom I love.  I didn’t feel that humbling emptiness that goes hand in hand with having a single person to take in your energy and be your source of energy in return.  Instead I felt the pain of single life, and missing him terribly, but blessed to have so many around who still wanted to give and receive love.  To be perfectly clear love is about so much more than sex in this case, especially as not one of these people have I ever engaged in sexual relations with. 

I am coming to a realization as I alluded to in my previous post that part of my path, includes loving as many people as I see fit.  And allowing myself to be loved openly in return.  To quote a tagline from a reality show called Sister Wives, “love should be multiplied, not divided”.  I still very much maintain my independence, and believe in my own abilities to overcome any obstacle put forth.  But having a loving network of support in my life has made my journey so much richer.  I believe that those are the benefits to living a lifestyle on the outside of monogamy.  To have a system of like minded individuals who want to share the belief of love, intimacy and possibly even sex.  Is the idea so radical that good advice as far as the eggs go not be applied to our relationships?  

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