Relationships take work, but perhaps not for the reasons that we have been taught or been lead to believe because of our peers. I am currently reading “Why Men Love Bitches” by Sherry Argov, and I am amazed by how my brain starts turning when I read it. It is straight forward, simple, humorous and often satirically sad. The steps are perfect for meeting a guy, and yes I checked off so many things that I naturally have done in the past and present. But the rub of it all is that when it comes to a relationship the work that needs to be put in is not the fabled how to communicate and learn to work through problems. Although I feel this is important, it is what the woman wants and needs. In actuality, it seems that I have often forgotten how to keep the guy hooked for long periods of time.
Here is where I am coming from. Often I feel like a break is the most important thing in maintaining longevity in my past relationships. But I am not quite sure that I honed in on why. With my Ex D, the truth of the matter is that throughout the 8 ish years we broke up a total of 4 times. After each breakup we re-grouped, sorted through our issues and became even stronger for it. But there was something that I personally was doing without even realizing. I was re-seducing him, making him crazy for me all over again and re-igniting that fire. But we had to break up for me to put the effort into making this happen again. Once he was reinvested in making me happy the relationship took very little work and communication was natural and easy.
I applaud this book for actually spelling out the missing link here. I have read enough books on seduction to know that I have a natural ability in my own way for hooking a male. This was in part a natural gift, mixed with how I was raised, then added with some literature that gave me a whole new insight into the why’s and on whom my tactics work best. I wrote about Staying Seductive, and the books that lead me to this have been invaluable and are listed there. But there is a stress and an almost inherent need to seduce like you have never seduced before when everything is on the line in the wake of a breakup.
I had a girlfriend who told me that her couples therapist advised that every true couple needs to breakup at least once to really feel that sense of loss and bring them to that level to really work on the things that need to be worked on. This seemed like sound logic to me, but I wonder if there is a way to naturally ensure this happens without breaking up? I for one am terrible at recognizing when I should be rekindling things and re creating that spark. For me it takes breaking up to recognize it. I fully admit that this has cost me a great love, and lover. I suppose like anything it takes practice, so I hope by writing this down and really recognizing what needs to be done in the future will help me think clearer in my future relationships. I do not fondly like admitting when I fall short of the mark, but if it helps any of you dear readers then I have not done so without just cause. So bottom line, work at the relationship, but also work on keep that spark and re-seducing from time to time. The males will always work harder and make things easier for the girl that they are just crazy about.