My moral code will not allow me to publicly write about the specific events that have thrown my little old world into a tailspin, but suffice to say things have been surprising? When I reach the emotional breaking point that has me seriously considering a female pillow fight in only underwear being the only next logical step to my crazy life, well, it has just been one of those weeks. There is a part of me that wishes I could change my orientation and try women on for size. When sharing this revelation with ‘Thomas’ he provided the following, “Guy troubles are easy cause men are stupid and stupid can be figured out. Women however are crazy, and there is no predicting crazy.” So I am back to the drawing board, which means no pictures to share of scantily clad women fighting with feather pillows.
So back to the men that I love, but here arises a strange thought that I had not even considered but has been brought to my attention. After writing and being open about my previous relationship, how do I go about proving my trustworthiness to a new potential partner? I am perfectly willing to discuss and negotiate rules and guidelines on a go forth basis, but how rationally do I move forward. The idea of being open and flirting with whom I want and when I want has brought me intense happiness. But is that reasonable to expect in a new person? Have I just entered into a roll whereby I will have to teach and guide males into the mould that I would prefer, or do I hold out hope that there is someone out there with an intrinsic understanding about my nature? Just because I flirt does not necessarily mean that I have to go all the way, nor should it. There is a playful flirtation that I enjoy and understand about myself.
Why do I even bring this up? Well recently I encountered a male who informed me that my nature could bring about unease in him, which I gather would not be reserved only to him. I just never quite thought about this from the other sides perspective. I feel that I can be incredibly loving, trustworthy, and honest in the right circumstances. But I recognise that I need to get my flirt on and feel sexy from time to time. Should knowing that about myself not instill more confidence in a relationship rather than less? I suppose another way to look at this, is in the objective, that perhaps this guy would not be able to handle me. Which I think is a fair thing to say even though I don’t have any real desire to admit that.
I wish that my ability to rationalise would downplay the female craziness. And sadly I am not a male and do not think like a male, so I cannot comprehend why they intrinsically show stupidity in relationship situations. I recently watched a documentary where a course is taught in the states about what males think, their evolution and sexuality. The class is composed of more than 80% females. The main criticism for why more men do not enroll in the class is that they cannot figure out how a whole semester can be spent discussing how they think, as they are just not that complex to understand. Oh the irony of it all. So with that being said, here’s to the men with whom I have learnt so much from, and to the women who have given me strength and have shown me that it’s possible for stupid and crazy to find happiness in each other.