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Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Porn, Just Porn

Ahh, good ole porn.  I have asked myself once, twice, maybe a thousand times why does he need to watch porn when I am right here in the flesh.  Honestly what woman has not?  If women watched as much porn as men, would men start to develop a complex too?  Recently a website on finding his porn, http://www.readwriteweb.com/archives/find_his_porn_evil_website_of_the_week.php, went up. (I am not linking directly to the site as I do not want to promote it in any way).  Why all the hate towards porn?  Why did I recently have a fight with my man regarding porn?  I like to think I am fairly open minded but it still gets to me from time to time. 

So what does porn really represent to a guy and is the viewing of pornography an actual threat to a healthy sexual relationship?  So I went to an expert and a doctor for a pretty sound list. http://www.guystuffcounseling.com/counseling-men-blog/bid/24369/Why-Men-Look-at-Porn-8-Things-Women-Need-to-Know-About-Internet-Porn. What I really liked about this list is that almost everything on the list has been explained to me in some form or another from the men I have been with.  The most common reason is that men are visual and how can any additional stimulation be a bad thing? Oddly I have found that very rarely are these people in porn incredibly good looking.  Finding distrust in a genre where people really are just enjoying the physical and are no better looking than Joe Blow is sort of strange.  Of course most have attributes that we are envious of, the biggest penis, perfect tits, amazing ass, but normally it is only one of these features.  The faces are nothing special and really nothing to get all up in arms about.  They are just enjoying on screen a very natural act, sometimes in very unnatural ways, but still, it is hard to get to critical when it really just boils down to these very specific traits that these people posses.  And porn does not usually or ever come with a dating profile; it is simply a visual fantasy.

As for is porn a relationship threat?  I think unfortunately the answer is personal to each situation.  In normal circumstances porn is just part of what makes a guy happy.  They are either open or they hide the fact that they watch porn, but bottom line they are watching porn.  And I must admit that I watch porn from time to time as well so first hand I appreciate its fantasy benefits first hand and without criticism.  I am a little overwhelmed sometimes by the sheer volume of naked women getting pounded on the screen for the viewing pleasure of my boyfriend at times.  And sometimes I am just plain old upset and emotional over it.  But rationally and calmly there isn’t anything I can do or say to change it, so might as well make peace and try to find some way to make it enjoyable for me too.  For example I manned up after an hour of silence and told my partner that the porn he was watching did nothing for me, and he suggested I pick the video.  It was a whole new world, even though I did a terrible job finding porn the first time for us it can only get better from here.

But let us be perfectly honest, if your man or woman is finding comfort in porn over the comfort of your human flesh then perhaps it is time for an open conversation about where things are in your relationship.  But please don’t install this crazy spy software if you are unsure where you stand in your mans porn collection.  Be frank and honest, and share your feelings, it’s amazing what can result and where it can take you in the long run.  After all it’s only naked people on screen doing something that we love to do and getting paid for it!  Celebrate what it can offer to the bedroom and try not to get emotional at what it sometimes feels it represents.  Porn is just porn.

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