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Monday, 26 January 2015

No Touchies: Our First Swing Club Part II

For anyone who missed part I last week, please follow this link, for the rest, please enjoy the conclusion to our first swing club adventure.

In the main play place, which we passed on route to the couples only area, I glimpsed a pair of legs spread wide open and bare on an upper level.  It was the first time I had seen live sex, and it was dark and silhouetted.  There were no sounds, just a few flashing bare legs reaching up from the bed she was laying on.  I was questioning if I would be comfortable having sex in such a public setting at this point, and I started to get visibly nervous.  E took my hand, and lead us to a more intimate place, a place where only the two of us were for a few moments, through the low lighting and down a small hallway.  And wow! What a kiss awaited me.  

When is the last time you made out with a person in public?  Have you ever just been overcome with the urge to passionately kiss someone that you forgot for a moment that PDA is discouraged in society?  Seeing someone hot, letting go, and just allowing yourself to get lost in the moment?  That hot kiss, full on with groping and grinding?  Now imagine that this behaviour is encouraged.  That you are in a place full of people who share your passion and energy and get off on being open and public.  It feels like a mindfuck looking back, and yet, in that space you are just one with those intense feelings.  You begin to hear neighboring moaning.  You see glimpses of bare legs, you hear those familiar rocking sounds and you get swept up.  You lose yourself and forget that this behaviour is taboo.  Sex in public is bad!  PDA is gross.  Moaning in public is quite forbidden.  In this place, though the rules are flipped upside down.  People are overcome with the urge to touch a strange body, to watch live, that most intimate of expressions saved for the bedroom alone. 

This was real, that passionate kiss from E, that both calmed me and excited me, shared in a swingers club.  That public make out session that made me feel safe and secure enough to be lead towards a cubby where we would soon undress each other.  It was here that we had our first opportunity to be intimate with another couple.  Even if it was from an emotional level only. This couple had come in quite late, and seemed to be as nervous as we were.  E and I were making out on the staircase blocking the only entrance to the upper couples play area.  There were a few giggles and glances towards each other as we moved into our cubby and continued to play with each other.  E mentioned that he could see this couple get into the spot beside us, and just like that our brief moment alone was replaced by couples who had now successfully negotiated their swinging terms and were about to have their own adventures right above us.  You could see a glimpse of other couples through the mirrors up above us, and beside us on the staircase.  In total that night I think there were 4 or so couples in the play area.  It lead to a very intimate feeling, with just the right amounting of moaning and rustling of sheets to not be overwhelming.

We were a part of a bunch of people actually having sex in public.  We got caught up in the moment, that hot, hot moment and time actually flew by.  It wasn’t until a bouncer walked down the hallway saying last call that we even had a clue of the hour.  We were completely absorbed in our surroundings and each other.  E saw a few couples watching us as they had sex, and for my part, I don’t remember even opening my eyes.  I was just lost, trying to hold onto the moment and the intensity.  That red glow from outside our little cubby where we remained for a solid couple of hours was our play place.  An intimacy which others could share both visually and audibly.  So hot to look back upon.   
It was nearly 2 in the morning when the lights came on and we finally emerged.  And what a memory! Being that first couple in and the last couple out!  I wondered what it would be like to see other spent couples in the light, and honestly it felt pretty natural.  We washed up, got dressed, and said goodbye to a few people as we walked to our car.  We were sore, and glowing, and we had made the most of our opportunity at this club.  


The night really brought us right back to where we want to be, dating another couple, and enjoying all these new adventures together.  Swinging takes a lot of communication, and a shared knowledge of the needs of you, your partner and the other people you want to swap with.  As we found out, it is more of an interview process with a new couple and then a few compatibility tests, followed by the swap.  The cycle repeats each evening that play is needed or wanted.  It is a version of spice that was so interesting to get involved in, if only from the sidelines, or with limited participation.  For myself, I want a more intimate connection with more than one person that will go beyond a club setting.  But as far as any public sex I have had, this evening blew it out of the water.  I was safe to love my partner, and be as intimate as I wanted.  There was no rushing to finish or fear of getting caught.  It was a real rush.  And although we both feel that that particular club is not one we would go back to.  The idea of exploring different clubs is still very exciting.  It may very well be our new travel activity... maybe.

Monday, 19 January 2015

No Touchies: Our First Swing Club Part I

Every couple has boundaries in their relationship.  E and I are constantly trying to explore and find new turn ons while re-evaluating where our limits are as a couple.  While trying to seek a couple to meet while traveling last year we were introduced to the idea of going to a swing club.  While meeting the couple or hitting the club fell through at the time, we made a solid effort to change that during our last visit to LA.  With nervous excitement we finalized our research and booked a night to go.  We spent hours talking about our boundaries, our expectations, protocols and a few fantasies that we had for the experience.  When the hour drew near to start the drive over, the nerves hit hard.  Questions kept creeping up, “what if we don’t have fun?” and “what if we don’t find anyone attractive?” A twinge of intimidation even crept in a we began wondering what the hell two Canadians who had never swung before would feel or do in the largest club in California.  So let me begin the tale with the first contact I made with the club.

In order to attend this particular swing club, a phone call was required, as the address is not listed on the website, preventing walk ins and to protect people’s privacy as much as possible.  I made the call, as E wisely thought we would have an easier time with the interview process if I called instead of him.  He was right of course, and a brief conversation later we had the address.  It was really happening!  And so were the nerves.  Now I am not sure how other couples handle nerves, but E and I have been through some pretty intense situations together whereby both our nerves flair up.  Be it with skydiving, family situations or relationship nerves we have learned to read and react to each other within our own nervousness.  We know when to make the other person laugh, distract or even to cross the line and point out that they are overreacting.  And as we drove towards the club in the dark, this understanding of the nervous dynamic shone through.

So when we drove up, and there were only a few lights on a fence in the middle of nowhere E was able to sense my tension and run with it.  It was dark and I became fixated on the fact that there were no signs or indication that we were in the right place other than the GPS arrow pointing the way.  We knew we arrived early, however seeing a near empty parking lot did little to calm the nerves.  That walk up the driveway seemed like forever.  I was shivering in my dress, and clutching E`s hand as we made nervous chit chat towards this large white building that had sections added to all sides like some poorly thought out school house that grew too big for its original purpose.  Finally a sign, literally, we were in the right place and relief waved over.  In we walked. 

Just like any business you walk up to the front desk, fill out a waiver and pay your money.  It was after all a business where small talk was made and in those moments I realized this was the first time I had relaxed in well over an hour.  A man who looked more like a bouncer was radioed over to give us a tour of the facility and off we went into the darkness of the club.  They did their best to make the tour seem normal.  And here we were nodding our heads as we walked from room to room like this was an everyday thing.  “Over here is the bar”, “and over here is the main play area”, “while over here is the sex chair” and on and on.  Just a perfectly normal tour in a darkly lit building designed for pleasure of the carnal kind.   

I remember walking through the main play area and feeling beyond overwhelmed by this massive two level mattress jungle.  And then a little calmness as we reached the chained off area and were shown the couples only play centre.  It was more private, a little smaller but still sex geared and I remember being amazed by all the mirrors!  It was two levels with small cubbies on the bottom, facing a wall of mirrors and a large play area along the top.  A great big adult bunk bed basically.  I remember wondering what this place looked like with people having sex, (as we had arrived during the pre sex, and or mingle hour) and how I would actually react to it all, but no time to contemplate that as the tour continued.  We were shown the couple bathroom and the woman’s only bathroom which seemed natural and normal in that setting.  Lastly we were taken to a large room with a long bar and a dance floor.  Finally we had a glimpse of other couples, well just people in general.  A few rules were stressed, couples in and couples out, singles are restricted to certain rooms and no means no.  This was a drug free facility, and BYOB, as the focus was on sex and sex alone.  And with that we that we were left on our own to sort out where to go from here. 

Logically we sat down and had a beer.  We looked around and realized quite quickly that we were the hottest and youngest couple there.  I had figured being in LA we would have a much better chance of being surrounded by hotties, and well, porn let me down.  Speaking of porn, there were flat screen TV’s in each of the mingle rooms and that was the first sex that we saw.  There was a different porn video on every single TV, something for everyone’s tastes, well if you like lower budget. 

The owner of the nudist resort down the street came over and introduced himself.  He then excitedly told us that one of the higher caliber scenes we were watching was filmed in this very club.  He was so proud of his cameo in it too.  The whole conversation just felt surreal, as we talked sex and drank our beers.   But at the same time oddly sweet and endearing.  We chatted for a bit and he gave us a little rundown of the facility and made some introductions of fellow regulars and staff.  We were told that the night before, being New Years Eve, they had a party with over 270 couples.  Tonight the turnout was looking to be about 30 couples, a much less intimidating number for these little newbies. 

We decided to do a little wandering around on our own, in hopes of finding some attractive people hidden away somewhere.  We began by heading over to one of the socializing rooms with a pool table.  Here we met two couples who were just so normal to chat to.  Very openly talking about their experiences swinging and getting outted as swingers in normal society.  It was just neat to be a fly on the wall and see how people handle this lifestyle in the real world.  How it can affect their jobs, etc.  Unfortunately neither of these two couples really got us physically excited so we went back to the bar for another beer.  

It was here that we learned a term that would change the experience for us completely.  A guy came over to chat with us, saying that his wife comes with him a few times a month, but he is here every Thursday with or without her being the only day of the week that single men are allowed in.  He loves the environment and asked if we had seen the infinity room yet.  It was room that was covered in mirrors on all sides with a few slots for people to watch.  Mainly though, the couple inside could see every single sexy angle from in that room with the infinity effect.  He told us that this was the room most frequented by “no touchies”.

The term “no touchies” was new to the both of us and does not seem to be widely known outside of the swinging community.  We were told that swingers coined this term for that really hot or full of themselves couple in the club, who feel that they are too good for anyone else and just want to fuck in public and have everyone ogle them.  More specifically they are the dream LA couple depicted with the big fake boobs, tanned body and a hint of arrogance.  E and I smiled upon learning this, we had found a name for the role we take in our first swinging adventure.  We would be the pseudo “no touchies” that night, well without the fake boobs or arrogance… our adventure was now really about to begin.  We had found our niche for the night, within our level of comfort and headed back towards the play rooms.

Thursday, 1 January 2015

Lowering Standards: A Clarification

I want to elaborate on a comment I made in my last post, whereby I said that I lowered my standards when looking for couples.  While I standby my statement, I do feel that it needs a little more elaboration, especially if any couples that we date should happen to stumble upon my little blog.  As I said, I stand by that statement and the reason for that is this, when dating as a couple, you need to take your partners wants and needs into consideration and not just your own.  For example, I love tall men, and I will outright dismiss any male who is shorter than me or of equal height.  That is my solo dating standard and is non negotiable, as a couple though, I am much more open.

 As a couple dating, those “non negotiable” becomes less important.  I am not looking for that male who looks amazing standing beside me, will someday father my children, and other necessary genetic traits for my long term happiness.  Instead, it becomes more of a “we” thing.  And together we are looking for awesome personality, fun and full of adventurous or engaging stories.  We can broaden our horizons and turn a blind eye to certain main partner prerequisites because these individuals and couples are more accurately bonuses in our lives.

Does that sound strange?  Perhaps, but honestly, that’s how it feels.  These individuals are spice, and fun, and extra amazing additions to our lives.  They do not have to encompass every single preferred trait, rather they are the people we get to explore and broaden our horizons with.  So the statement that I have lowered my standards may have come across as harsh, but it remains true.  My standards for dating as a couple are much more relaxed and after much conversation with my partner I am becoming ok with admitting that. 

The harsh part of the statement that may have been inferred on first reading, is that it is hard for me to relax my stringent criteria for what I find attractive.  So I have been trying to take a deep breath and take in the whole person rather than jumping to my immediate nopes.  And what makes that process more rewarding is that look in my partners eyes when he finds something or someone besides me sexy.  He gets this twinkle of excitement, and it almost always comes back full circle for me.  A little spice on the side results in me getting nearly twice as much affection shortly after.  It is an intensity that is very difficult to describe if you have not experienced it for yourself.  When there is no guilt associated with getting spice, flirting and finding new people, your expression of passion for your main partner nearly explodes.  It is a sensation that throws you in a moment that you almost never want to end.  That place where you appreciate who you are with for that second, moment and life in a deep and powerful way. 


I wrote early on in my blog about chasing butterflies.  And that’s the rub, you just cannot get that butterfly feeling with someone that you know so completely.  What you can get though, is butterflies with someone new, and then full complete passion and love with that person you will spend the rest of your life with.  No terrible crash after the butterflies, no apprehension or nervousness, or insecure feelings.  The beautiful tummy flip of adrenaline, followed by the fullness of love and complete satisfaction by someone who knows every nook and cranny of your body and soul.   It is so difficult to paint properly the picture of emotions that make my life complete when I am able to share all these experiences with my partner.  I know I am not doing it near enough justice, so all I can do is close my eyes, and try to write out the near perfect feeling of being able to have my cake and eat it too.  To have found a relationship norm that includes butterflies, and deep, stable passion all in one day with nothing artificial.  That deep yearning to be loved for everything you are, with a delightful mix, of getting to meet someone new, and the tease of new adventures.  And to do all of this in the open, with love and support.  This is why I blog, this is the purpose of sharing with all my dear readers.  I cannot keep to myself this most perfect relationship standard that enhance my life so perfectly.  I am truly blessed and complete in my emotional needs and wants.  This is my true love.

Sunday, 21 December 2014

The Couples Dating Pool

Quite often the best dating advice you can give to a person who is struggling to find that special someone is to go out and join a club/team/ or take a class where you can socialize in a non dating specific context.  This advice is sound as it increases social skills, and allows you to mingle with new people in a less pressure filled way.  Sharing like interests or trying something new is a great way to meet new people, and is often a more successful setting than simply online dating.  Basically find a way to just get out there and meet new people.  This is advice I give, have been given and will continue to give to all singles out there.  Now couples on the other hand, that is a whole different ball of wax.

I am not sure what the reaction would be if E and I got all dressed up, walked into a bar and started flirting with a sexy couple that we saw across the room.  It is possible it might end in flattery at best. Or to join a cooking class and start a playful flour fight with that dreamy couple sharing our island.  I mean in a perfect world we would all go home and play for hours simply because E and I think we are that amazing, so who wouldn't want to go home with us, right?

The reality is a little different.  When looking for something very specific, the pool that you are drawing from gets a little shallower.  So you roll with the punches, diversify your search, and put your two best people on the hunt.  You try online dating sites, some very detailed ads, both responding and creating your own, and you lower that bar you set just a little.  Opening yourself up to the possibility that there could be a few surprises in people that you never would have given a chance on your own.  There are now after all 4 opinions to take into consideration.

The diversity out there is quite remarkable.  All walks of life are looking for different relationships than those they were raised or socialize to seek out, not just the rebels or kinky souls.  Regular folks just looking to try new things, new people and make cool connections that they couldn't brag about on facebook.  As a team, as a couple, just like we are.  We have also encountered some who seek a one night party in a hot tub, while others want to journey alone to meet up with a couple to either challenge themselves to please two people or be pleased themselves.  Honestly, it is hard to fully describe this almost sub culture that we are diving into.  The diversity of messages is pretty astounding and I could give examples nearly all day.  It may be a smaller pool of people, but there are a lot of couples out there.

And in trying to find them we keep learning, growing, while keeping in mind that we will be making a few mistakes here and there, but doing it side by side.  It is exhilarating.  And it is nearly a full time job!  We are discovering some pretty rad people just hanging out in this amazing city of ours and hope to travel to discover a few too.  I am learning so much about different relationship styles that it is hard to get every one of them down on paper.  But I will keep trying to share with my readers all that I am discovering.  People constantly amaze me, and couples are twice the adventure...

Saturday, 6 December 2014

November Realization

I am so glad that November is over.  I tried to take on a bit too much and that all escalated to a grinding halt during our dear dark, and cold November.  Typically I balance my work, home, love life with a certain confidence that leaves me with a sense of pride when I look back on the day, and at all I have achieved.  This past month was a bit too much for me. It is rare for me to feel overwhelmed off and on for that long of a period of time.  So long in fact that I look back upon this blog and find it missing in any content for this bleak time span.

If you have been following me for any length of time, you will appreciate how writing centers me.  It grounds me in an almost trance like way, my own form of meditation.  And well, I was so out of sorts, I could not write.

An amazing realization happened out of those overwhelming feelings, that brought me to tears on more than one occasion.  That being the re affirmation that I am not alone.  I have the perfect fitting partner for who I am now, and for who I am striving to be in the future.  The is not something that I ever thought would happen.  I do not believe in "the one", however I do embrace the love of the right now and look fondly towards the future with a man who fits so perfectly it takes my breath away. After all the stressful and amazing situations the two of us have gone through together, we emulate the phrase stronger than ever.  

I call my partner and my being on the same page an amazing thing because there is always that nagging fear that when your partner sees you at your worst they are going to run away.  And it feels rational at the time.  You find yourself hating who you are, having troubles getting happy or just catching a breath.  Who in their right mind would want to stand by that, support and even find ways to cherish the moments when you are just needing a hug because you feel like you have nothing left in you.  This post would have been near impossible for me to admit to anyone anything more than a few years ago.  And to my character I just couldn't write this when I was actually feeling low and lost.  Now however, I feel refreshed and excited for how strong we are as partners.  I hope to share some adventures of the two of us dating shortly and bring a little fun to this blog.  

Friday, 17 October 2014

In My 30’s and Proud

I was talking to my best friend the other day about our birthdays, and welcomed her to the 30’s club.  And while doing so, she spoke about being very excited about joining the 3-0 club, saying how she felt sexier, and more confident now that she was taking care of her body than she did in her early 20’s.  And I wholeheartedly agree.  I was not scared of turning 31 myself, and this was the very reason.  In fact, I can hold my head up higher when I look in the mirror now.  I don’t feel like my body is just skinny and young, there is a shape that is firm and sexy.  When I look at my face, I don’t try and cover up the little laugh lines I notice around my eyes.  Instead I am excited that they are there, and signify the laughter and fantastic experiences that I have had, with extra thanks to my boyfriend.

I am physically and emotionally secure in who I am today.  And although I experience speed bumps from time to time, the big picture is that I love me.  This in turn has lead to me not wasting any time in the online dating community with people who do not feel the same way.  When I was showing E a few couples who had messaged me, I lamented on those with whom had great profiles but who did not have pictures to go with them.  To me, not having pictures, or having a body shot with your face blurred is cause for concern.  Either you are embarrassed of what you look like, or you are not taking the online game seriously.  Yes, I have heard the excuse multiple times that one needs to keep their picture private due to work, or affiliations.  And to that I say bollix.  There is no way to put yourself out there only part ways.  As I have mentioned in earlier posts, it would be outright dangerous and foolish to meet someone that you do not have a current picture of.  Not only that, I value my time and do not want to waste mine or another’s by making an emotional connection if there is nothing there physically.


Dating couples is hard.  You now have 4 people to consider instead of just two.  With that being said, I am in my 30’s with a fierce confidence and I would like to attract the same mindset.  That is important to me, and an element of my open relationships that took me the longest to get a grasp on.  I do not want to hold any one’s else’s hand in that regard.  I want fun and real connections that I can share and experience with the man I love.  I do not want to waste time with people who are too shy or have skeleton’s that they need to overcome before meeting us.  You have taken the time to create a profile.  Now take the next step and message if you are serious and ready to play what could very well be an amazing game.   Bring on an already incredible 31!

Monday, 29 September 2014

Dating Together, The Start of an Adventure

I have just reached and celebrated the ripe age of 31.  As many of you know, I get very reflecting during birthday season.  It is more important to me than new years, as I recognize it as my personal date of looking backwards and planning frontwards.  This year, I acted on a very important decision that I have made in years past.  And that is beginning the journey of looking for partners to join E and I.  It is one thing to talk about it, to plan for it, and get on the same page.  It is quite another to actually put yourself out there as dating and proud, together. 

E see's my nervousness for what it is, and that is truly remarkable.  I have the butterflies, and antsy feeling.  And what is super cool about that is, I can share every step with my partner.  It is not a fearful dating on your own, filled with apprehension knowing the letdowns that are not far off into the distance.  Instead it is replaced with excitement, challenges and true connections.  First and foremost with my partner, and then exploring what spice is out there.  Expanding our love beyond just our little family.

Now I know I am excited, nervous and a little scared about this new adventure so we decided to be transparent in our profiles to ensure that we can help each other find the best we can.  And of course, the first thing that I have learned in this online process is that many guys do not actually read profiles.  Here is a little sample of the kind of conversations that I have encountered.  This began after I asked if he had actually read my profile before messaging me, and he learnt that it was my boyfriend in my profile picture and we were looking to date someone or a couple together. 

Guy –“Ohhh. Nope, that's kinda gross. Good luck!”

Me –“I can see how you would think reading is gross as is evident by your ignorance and quick judgement.”

Guy –“No no. Reading is good. And i do know you're a good person due to the fact that we've spoken off and on for a couple years now and i'm a good judge of charactor. The gross part i'm referring to is when people have to go outside of a relationship to satisfy one or both partners physical needs. Just my opinion. Not being judgemental, but when i'm in a commited relationship, there's no need to have to share to satisfy any of 'those' needs”

Me –“You don't think saying "that's kinda gross" is being judgemental?

I am not looking for a FWB or anything along those lines. I am looking to expand my love in all forms with my partner. We are both physically satisfied. We also know that we both enjoy a little "spice" from time to time and that comes in the form of new people. We both agree that doing it together will be exciting and fun.

While I understand the notion that one man can completely satisfy one woman or any gender combinations there in, I would simply say that in a long term relationship, it doesn't feel right to me. I love flirting, variety, and being supported and fulfilled body and soul by my partner. I subscribe to the idea that I can have my cake and eat it too. “


Dealing with online trolls and people who just cannot be curious without being an ass is part of being in the online community.  As I have said before, I do often forget that.  I hope that over the next year and beyond there will be a few wonderful stories to share with you all.  A few funny moments, and some real sexy adventures.  In the meantime, let the online dating challenge begin.