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Friday, 6 January 2017

Celebrating My 250th Post

This post marks the 250th time that I have pressed publish and shared my thoughts, and opinions about my relationships with all you amazing people.  My first time posting was terrifying, and the second was even worse.  But here I am, still going strong.  I began posting to help me gain insight into my first open relationship.  Writing helped me figure out if this lifestyle was really for me.  If this new relationship norm was something that I could embrace long term, or like so many, test the waters and run away back to comfort of monogamy.  I have shared my embarrassments, my shortcomings and of course a few sexy adventures over these past posts. 

I am still developing  into a person who embodies aspects of this lifestyle, with an ever growing confidence.  And what’s more, the skills gained in this constant meeting of new people and exploration has branched into all aspects of my working and social life.  I feel whole, and sexy, and everything that I really wanted to achieve a few years ago.  This blog has helped me do this. 

Whether you read out of curiosity, open mindedness, or even a simple keeping track of where this long lost friend is at with her life, I thank you.  To date I have over 86’000 page views, and that is something I am incredibly proud of.  In my first week of writing, I was terrified that 10 people would read my first post.  I was so scared of the judgement.  At the same time I was interested in those reading my words, and what they thought, then fearful again that someone I could run into would ask me questions about my personal life.  I was also worried, at the start, that criticisms would cripple my creative writing process. And for the first 2 or 3 years, I wrote with a constant awareness that my family had the ability to read my blog, and then feel pain by my words.  To counteract this fear, I often wrote vague posts that just skimmed the surface of what I was feeling.  But then, I dug deeper.  Those consistent clicks helped me to forge ahead. 

I have written posts so personal, that I cried as I typed.  And the crazy thing?  My readers have stuck around.  You have forgiven me for shocking you, for bearing my soul, and patted me on the back when I made you laugh.  I feel fearless.  I don’t write worried that I may offend someone.  I write for me.  My words, my truth.  When you have found your truth, criticisms just fade away.  I have accomplished something that very few people have done.  I have pressed the button that shared my soul, thoughts and feelings publicly 250 times and just in time for the start of 2017.  I hope each and every one of my readers can find something that they have accomplished, and take a moment to feel the pride that I do.  It is a wonderful high.  Embrace your truth, and live your life for you. Cheers to at least 250 more adventures.



Saturday, 10 December 2016

Pre Christmas “Single Shopping”

I heard a statistic the other day, that 2 weeks before Christmas is the time when most breakups occur.  This makes a whole lot of sense.  Consider that you have been a little unhappy for a while, and now have to make the decision to buy someone you are not sure you like anymore a present.  Or what’s worse? You have to spend the already stressful holiday times with your crazy family, and dread including that person that now has the most irritating laugh EVER!  (Or some equally annoying trait that you no longer want to be in the same room with). Well, better to just end things quietly before it gets too close to the holidays and when you still have time to do some pre-Christmas “single shopping”.


And what is pre Christmas Single Shopping you might ask?  Well, quite simply, it is the time for vetting out the person who will be good enough in a pinch.  It is the person who looks good in pictures, or just good on paper, whatever you may need at bare minimum.  The guy or gall who dresses up nicely and can make polite conversation at a company Christmas party.  It is the individual who has been friendzoned forever, so will be extra excited at the opportunity to be seen out in public with you.  Or maybe, it’s that friendly face on the dating site who messaged you and you didn’t instantly cringe, so now that you’re a little desperate and lonely, well… it is the season of giving right?

It is almost like the speed date.  You have two weeks or less before Christmas to make a decision to bring around you maybe partner, or spend the holidays alone.  Online dating messages around this time are nice, polite, and just all around easy to read.  Or maybe the writers have just all had their rum and egg nog so their barriers are lowered when they scroll through the multitude of pictures.  I cannot say for sure, but there is a tone difference in messages.


So if this is a decision you recently had to make, enjoy your newly single shopping.  Be nice to your friendzoned maybe partner.  Be courteous to the new person who is as lonely as you and will scratch your back at your family’s gathering if you scratch theirs.  Remember the campsite rule!  And who knows, maybe this defences down chance you’re taking could be the best thing you ever did, and there are many more happy Christmas’ together in your future.

Saturday, 26 November 2016

The Shift – Open Relationship Perception May be Changing

I have quite a few musings and sometimes angry rants about how people I interact with are judgmental in regards to my open relationship.  I am now experiencing a shift in thought.  Between media, education and a general societal awareness, open relationships are becoming a more common place term.  And now the questions can begin, still shrouded in judgement, but a start none the less. 

There is still that morbid curiosity from the monogamous, the questions of why, how, and what is missing in your relationship.  But a few questions of late seem to have more curiosity, than actual negativity.   I am not sure yet how to respond.  I have grown accustomed to having my back up, to deleting harassing messages, and to block people who behave in an aggressive manor towards my lifestyle.  Surprisingly, over the past few weeks I find myself having to take a step back, a deep breath and then actually write answers to thoughtful and curious queries.  I never in my wildest dreams thought I would see a shift in awareness so quickly.

It is encouraging to see people learning new things, or at the very least aware of things outside their perceived bubbles.  I see more and more television shows depicting polyamory, and openness in a way that shows both good and bad sides.  Fair, tempered, and full bodied depictions of real world couples trying to find their own happiness.  That is all I want for myself, and for my loved ones.  Love and support in whatever way suits you, if ethics are being followed and respected of course. 


Selfishly, I do hope that this shift continues because I would love a few more couples in my dating pool.  Variety is the spice of my life, and why have 2, when you can have 4 or even 6?  The realist in me knows that I should just keep taking baby steps here.  There is still a tonne of murky water to wade through.  Still so much fear, and misconception, but if I can get a stranger to be kind and curious vs the norm I have come to expect, then I say progress is at hand.  Let the open awareness continue to grow.  People continue to grow, explore and expand their horizons just as I have done.  Education, rather than hatred towards what is not understood.

Saturday, 12 November 2016

Update Post, Family Changes: A New Year, New Challenges

I wrote a post nearly 4 years ago, whereby I questioned the forgive and forget mantra when it comes to family.  I wrote also, that I was done allowing my family to control me.  When I read back through this post I can see that I was a mess, both in sentence structure and grammar, but also in the waves of emotion I tried to conceal.  I was forcing objectivity while hurting so badly.  It is never easy to walk away from a family that does not support you as an adult.  A woman who is trying to find her way in the world, judged from the foundation out. 

But I am very proud to report a few things.  Number one, I closed the door on a family member who emotionally abused me.  Number two, I opened the door to a family member that had been closed out of my life for years.  We offered each other forgiveness and love and are working diligently to have a real father daughter adult relationships.  And I couldn’t be more thankful that he came back into my life during this dark timeline that I am in.   

I broke free of my families hypocrisy.  And rejected the notion that I had to accept them and their words and actions, while they talk about me behind my back and judge me.  Acceptance is a two way street.  My biological dad and my renewed relationship with him is based on this principle.  We do not judge each other, simply try to understand and support.  We are no longer re hashing past events, but rather forging new memories and experiences.  He found peace, and I have found my inner voice.  I can not lament the closed minded people who share my blood.  I can only be grateful to have relationships with those who are open and genuinely love life, themselves and me. 

Finding unconditional love within a few of my family members has helped my confidence in the dating world as well.  I am more open to new partners and less jealous of the past.  It took a few years to really see the truth in who I am and who my partner is. Now that I can, well, I treat myself with the respect and pride I deserve. 


In a Utopian world, this post would be about everyone in my life forgiving and forgetting.  However, this is the real world and this post is celebratory.  I have forgiven myself and by forgetting the past on an individual that never thought I could or would, I have found peace.  Here`s to new and amazing beginnings.  Why wait until 2016 is officially over to move forward?


Friday, 28 October 2016

Halloween: All Year Round

As Halloween approaches, so does the sexism narrative.  Our sexy little sirens come out to play, and the costumes get tighter and skimpier year by year.  As you may well know based on previous posts I approve wholeheartedly with this trend.  Why?  Freedom of expression.  If a lady wants to feel sexy, then she gets to.  If a woman wants to show off her goods, then fantastic.  If anyone needs a holiday in order to dress up, to show a side that they keep hidden most of the year, then this is the perfect time to do so.

I have taken things a few steps further; "I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach”, Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol.  Swap out Christmas for Halloween and boom, there you have my mindset.  I have taken off the masks that Halloween has afforded me, and thrive to live the same way all year round.  If I want to dress up, I do so.  If I want to play the siren for a night, I do.  If I want to show off my body, I do it.  This holiday, truly has become my favorite, as it allowed me to explore a different side of my sexuality safely, and I proudly have expanded this to all the days of the year. 

I have taken the lessons that Halloween and dressing up have afforded me, and I have incorporated them into my daily life.  I am freer, because of this holiday.  I am less afraid of nudity or even of my own body because I was able to dress up.  To try on different masks and personalities, and with a little liquid courage now and again, I live the person that I want to be, right now.  I am present. 


Now boys, if you want to start joining in the trend of tighter fitting clothes or showing off some muscles during the Halloween season too, then yay.  I am all for equality of the sexes.  Lets make this a season of sexiness, confidence, and taking a moment to step outside of your shell.  Confidence in numbers, and all that jazz.  Lets make a movement to live with sexual confidence and positive vibes with or without a costume.  No slut shaming, or judgement.  Just freedom of expression, thought and voice.  And of course tricks and treats whenever the need or want should arise.

Saturday, 10 September 2016

Vanilla Reality Check

Ok self, we need to clear up a few things.  Every so often I catch you thinking about yourself as this passionate yet vanilla type person who aims to please those around you.  It is time to stop it, wake up and embrace who you have become on a more regular basis.  Don’t get me wrong, I know how far you have come.  I know who you were, what you have been through and milestones you have already crossed over like a champ.  But you are not owning who you are on a day to day basis.

I know that you thought to yourself, if I get more power and confidence in my work place that will bring my life together in a beautiful symphony, rich with harmony that you desire.  And well, time is up.  You have attained what you needed at work.  You have your validation.  Your last hurdle you set for yourself in the way of self improvement has been made.  Now it is time to leave the excuses outside.  To embrace life, to enjoy who you are, with your amazing partner.

The time to revert back to that vanilla mentality is over.  You are far from that monogamous wallflower that you were in your youth.  You have thoroughly enjoyed threesomes, experimented with a few foursomes and even explored swinger club or two.  These are not just notches on your belt.  This is who you are.  The explorer.  The pusher of boundaries, that only child who hates the word no, and wants to explore that world full of yes with the confidence that has been earned through hard work and self exploration.


Vanilla is not bad.  It just isn’t who you are.  Maybe it never was, and you were living in fear.  But you are not anymore.  2016 has come with countless challenges and there are more on their way.  You have come this far, and you are not giving up.  You are living.  You are present.  And you are breaking those societal norms one item at a time.  Because that is who you are.  It is who you enjoy being.  And baby, you deserve it.

Friday, 26 August 2016

My Blog is Back! And Here's to 5 More Years!

Well, as our wet summer nearly wraps itself up, I can finally get back into the blogging swing of things.  My absence in blogging over the summer was not planned, in fact it was a complete accident.  My poor laptop took a nap in a few centimeters of water and never regained consciousness.  My amazing partner was able to save all my data, and pictures but unfortunately I needed a new place to retrieve them from.  So with the wait time settling into a new laptop and the general busyness of the summer weeks I decided to just take the whole damn thing off. 

I am incredibly grateful that my summer months were so action packed because I just don’t get the same satisfaction anymore in putting pen to paper as I do typing out my thoughts.  I enjoy handwriting poetry in a beautiful notebook.  It brings me such tranquility, but a part of me only feels safe having them around my house because very few people could actually read my cursive.  And I am so slow handwriting these days.  The reality is I have found such comfort in the efficiency of typing, being able to actually have my fingers keep up with my random thoughts, that I find writing things down to be cumbersome and frustrating.  There is an art form to keeping journals, but my writing has evolved into a need more than a want.  I need the escape of my words.  I need the freedom to type out my thoughts and unburden my mind from the rampant thoughts that periodically keep me up at night.


And thus, I am back writing, blogging and enjoying the technology that makes it all possible.  So stay tuned while I get back to questioning my relationship norms and sharing the stories that have kept many of you coming back so many times over the last 5 years!  And as I missed celebrating with you all the milestone of 5 years of blogging, here is the link to my very firstpost!  Thank you all for sticking with me on my journey through open relationships and breaking free of societal norms.