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Wednesday, 16 July 2014

Stampede’s Over; I Can’t Wait to See What Sex Negativity the Media Has Planned for the Next Stampede

So, three years ago the media circus took a long hard look at how STI’s and STD’s rose dramatically during stampede week and cited numerous clinics and how overworked they became the week during and after Stampede.  And I understood the PSA they were performing.  Last year, the focus was shifted ever so slightly to the influx of cheating spouses during this 10 day event.  Including outing a few hotels in the downtown core, for providing locked boxes for guest to check in their wedding rings.  No explanation needed there, I hope.  Now this year, the headlines are focusing on the increasing Stampede divorce rate?  Come on…

I know the quest for the simplest and catchiest tagline is the only way to sell articles (See how I am fighting this by having the longest blog title to date?), but why all the sex negativity surrounding Stampede?  I mean this is no longer about helping the public.  This is a vigilant quest on the media’s part to ensure the public is aware that Stampede kills relationships and is bad for your sexual health.  Stampede encourages sexual infidelity and is a hazard to monogamy.  The million dollar rodeo that is put on every year in this great city of ours is secretly trying to time warp us back to the Colosseum of ancient Roman times, more specifically the party after the great fights.  We are soon going to have massive orgies in the street if we do not head their carefully targeted warnings.  Especially now that the city was kind enough to let us start drinking in bars at 7 am to better facilitate the liquid courage needed to get out there and screw around with every good looking cowboy and cowgirl.

Well, let me set the record straight here.  I have, had Stampede threesomes, done the walk of shame and flirted my little tushie off many a time.  I have also done all the above outside of Stampede.  The media chooses to focus on sex negativity each year because we make it an event.  We allow the media to sensationalize sex.  We allow the media to take the focus of off our rodeo and exhibition, and all the musical acts that join us from all over the world and shift to a tabloid sales pitch.  I should rephrase, we do not allow the
media, we encourage them.  We are becoming a society that lights up at a scintillating, or scandalous headline, and the Stampede has turned into a marketing ploy.  Whether the editors agree or disagree is beside the point, or even if they research and have factual information based on something more substantial than a survey of 10 random people, the result is the same, sex sells.  Stampede sex sells, and as I learned last week, Stampede sluts sell too!  So until next year Calgary, I know you will join me in welcoming the latest headline that appears with sex negativity in the forefront.  I am kind of hoping for some sort of spin on gay cowboys...or cowgirls.

Thursday, 19 June 2014

Safe Sex, Before and After

Whenever you are sexually active there are risks, I go into a little more detail here.  One added element to being in an open relationship is that there are more parties involved when it comes to said risks which can be both a good thing and a bad thing.  A few months ago, E and I invited someone to share an evening with us.  The three of us had the safe sex talk, and all disclosed our STI and STD status’, along with the dates that we were last tested.  It is an easy talk to have, especially knowing that once the talk is over the fun can really begin.  Our evening ended up being quite an adventure, and we concluded the night on great terms.  The side lament to the night was that his partner was not ready herself to be involved in a more open lifestyle, but the door is always open to them.

Now fast forward to the new year and an email I received while out and about with E.  The gist of the email was that his wife was having some feminine issues, mixed with the help of the most trusted medical expert Google, could be connected to an STI.  My initial reaction was extreme annoyance that I was being asked if perhaps there was something that was not disclosed during our safe sex talk.  There are risks of course in being sexually active, and of course it is natural to assume that sometimes people lie.  And sometimes, people just flat out do not know that they have anything that could be shared between partners.  Again I was momentarily miffed. 

Once I talked the email over with E though, I came to realize that I was put off by his partner using the internet to self diagnose and not that he was confirming any changes to my sexual health.  In fact, I was reassured that we had met someone who was upfront and willing to ask the tough questions. He made the right call in emailing and I know that the email must have been incredibly difficult to write, especially with his partners health in question.  Safety in my books, should come before pleasure, and is incredibly difficult to rectify if it is only an after thought.  And as I found out, is a lot easier to deal with knowing that you did everything you could in the first place, conversation and prevention. 

I have learned a few surprising things during this experience, while also reinforcing what I already knew about E.  I am so grateful to have the partner that I do, one with whom I can openly discuss the tough stuff, and will remain objective even during the hard times.  And while E and I know we are both incredibly selfish and cautious with our bodies, a stranger does not.  Even with safe sex awareness and prevention there are always risks.  There is no such thing as 100 percent safe sex, and we are prepared to have the conversations when the need arises.  With that being said, the minor risks or occasional uncomfortable email would not ever be a reason to avoid a healthy sexual appetite.  

Tuesday, 10 June 2014

Adding and Expanding Questioning Everything

When I started blogging, I did so for the sole reason of exploring open relationships, in particular my own.  I did not anticipate that I would ever grow such an amazing following or that people would be interested in what I had to say and I have grown to talk about many variations of relationships.  With that being said, I really want to go back and take a closer look at a few posts I have made in the past, to clarify, expand and also to add images wherever I feel is appropriate.  I want to ensure that the day I decide to stop blogging, I have a complete record of where I am, and how I view the world at this time in my life. 

So what will this mean to my dear readers?  I will of course post new content, but also, I will from time to time examine past posts and add some content.  If you so desire, please click on the link within my current post to go back and see what I am referencing or the additions I have made (visual only in most cases).  If you are an aspiring photographer, or just enjoy the hobby, please feel free to contact me as I would love to get some new ideas for pictures.  And for those individuals who mentioned that my blog has been a little too pg rated, I hope you enjoy the additions I will be making.

Thursday, 29 May 2014


I found inspiration in the most likely place, the biography of Jim Henson.  I have been a Muppet fan for most of my life, from the Muppet Show, to Fraggle Rock, and of course my favorite movie being Labyrinth.  I love that feeling of sheer joy every time I see a Muppet character on screen, and more than that, I love how I can re-watch a movie years later and find some new little detail or innovation.  I love that sense of childhood wonder, with an adult understanding of all the hard work and boundary pushing that went into each and every piece of work that Jim Henson created.  Now why would I decide to write about my love for Muppets on my relationship blog other than because it makes me happy?  Quite simply, I was inspired by how he viewed life and all the human beings around him.

I could spend post after post, complaining about how we no longer connect with our fellow man.  That as we become more globally connected we become more individually isolated.  It is a phenomenon that has been predicted in countless books, and philosophised by numerous people over the past decade and I for one see so many daily indications of it that it is hard to ignore.  And just when I was becoming a little jaded and irritated about the whole scene, I began reading this amazing book (thanks of course to E!).  I began reading the story of man who lived his entire life without ever losing his sense of wonder.  Who never stopped challenging himself and his team to push the boundaries of technology, and was a creative genius to the end.  All with the one simple idea that we must love each other and be good to our fellow man.  Not preachy, just hopeful.  The type of man who was quiet, yet self assured and when he walked into a room everyone wanted to be noticed by him. 

I was rejuvenated after reading about his life and all of the amazing things he accomplished for purely unselfish reasons.  He challenged himself because he loved to explore and expand his chosen field.  He wanted to try to push his medium because he believed in himself completely.  And isn’t that precisely what we should all be striving for?  In our work, in our alone time, and of course in the relationships that we have with those around us?  By believing in ourselves first and foremost, and pushing ourselves to accomplish what we believe in.   

I sit here writing, surrounded by a group of people physically pushing themselves to the extremes of human sport.  They were students, and now adventures, trying to find new ways to fly.  While I push myself to document every aspect that I can.  Learning the very difficult art of action filming to capture all their hard work and determination.  That leap from passive viewer, to active participant in a community that I didn’t  even know existed 5 years ago.  Passion for life, passion to be the best you can, to keep learning and never stop innovating and thinking.  Thank you Jim Henson, for living the best way you knew how.  I have cherished your creations, with wide eyed wonder, and fascination, and now by having a better understanding of your life, I am even more inspired to continue my path.

Wednesday, 21 May 2014

Life is About Choices

I have the choice on a weekly basis to post a little bit about myself or make a statement on how I view a situation that I have experienced.  Just as I have a choice, you too have a choice to read or comment on that.  Sometimes it hurts to know that the people who should be in your corner for better or for worse just do not have the capacity to do so.  If members of my family and friends are not comfortable with reading my blog I am absolutely OK with that.  I know there are things that I write with which a parent or long time friend just does not want to know about.  Again that is perfectly fine, what I have a problem with is the
people who have decided to treat me different as a result.  It is one thing to have different views and opinions, it is quite another to allow those views sour a relationship.  If you do not have the strength to say that you do not like something about me and would rather let it fester until the relationship dissolves itself then that is all on you.  Also to try and attack me through my comments section of this blog adds very little to the conversation. 
I write to help myself and keep my thoughts and feelings clear.  I write in a blog because I am certain that there are people out there with whom share similar thoughts or feelings, or just have a morbid curiosity for the lifestyle that I am in.  And a few very gracious people have even remarked that they just read because they like how I write, which always makes me blush.  But honestly, to harbor feelings of anger, or angst towards me because of how I choose to live my life makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever.   I do not force my sometimes graphic content down anyone’s throat, again I write for myself primarily. 

I wake up almost every morning thankful for the happiness that I have found and the meaningful relationships that I have developed.  But these relationships do take at least two people and if there are things about me that you do not like, decide if you can overlook, or let it go.   I have been closing the door to people who just do not make sense to keep in my life, and although it is a tough choice to make, I know that sometimes it is the only true way to obtain real happiness.  I live for myself, and not for the comfort of those around me.

I challenge myself on a daily basis to be fair, kind, and a better communicator, striving to be more clear and concise.  I set these challenges because I want the most out of life and the choices I make are my own.  I am so impressed and amazed with the people who constructively challenge my ideas, and share personal stories to show me a different side of things.  I write about subject matter that I have thought critically about and my hope is that it does the same for a few of you too.  Don’t allow my lifestyle to affect you in a negative way.  I am not a “crazy bent”, rather I live honestly and seek to express myself and my sexuality in a positive way, with both words and pictures and damnit that is my choice!

Wednesday, 14 May 2014

Update... At Long Last

I have been going through the motions these past through months of being overwhelmed to the point of tears, followed by this strange sense of satisfaction at just how lucky I am to have everything that I do in my life.  I began a new career earlier this year and the transition has definitely taken its toll on my emotional, and physical self.

I allowed myself 3 months to get saturated in the role that could very well dictate how I earn a living for the rest of my life, and well, writing this blog had to take a back seat for a little while.  In saying that, I could not have timed things better, and by that I mean, letting go of an emotional burden that had been with me for years.  Honestly, not having the burden of trying to please unappeasable parents was the saving grace that allowed me to focus on my wants and needs over this new year.  And to ensure that I was making a choice for my future, with my well being as my sole consideration. 

I have some pretty big goals for the future, and it seems that I always made choices around family. This time, I made a decision for me, that would make my future bright, which would result in better things for me and my partner down the road, rather than making the choice for him and I in the present that would make us more comfortable now.  I know that may not sound clear, because there are a lot of complicated emotions tied up in that one little statement.  I have always tried to make room for my family in my life choices, which has caused me to make shorter term choices with lots of flexibility so I could be there for those in my life that I love, whenever they needed me.  This was a tough decision, because I am now locked in.   I gave up any and all flexibility and now have a strong path, that I cannot turn away from or just give up if my partner gets an opportunity elsewhere.  It was the right move, plain and simple.  Just not one, that I would have had the confidence to have made 5 years ago.

So in summary, my three months of sink or swim at work are over, (I think I just may be a swimmer) and I will get back to posting regularly.  Thanks to all of you who checked in on me during the lull.  And thanks truly to all those who continued to look through some older posts even though there was no new content for a while.  I am back, energized, and have some great material in the works.  Oh, and in case any of you were wondering, I am now a machinist and run a few wire EDM  machines.  I get to actually write a program, imput it into a machine and physically create something when I am done!  It is tough work, but so far incredibly rewarding.

Wednesday, 12 March 2014

Ignoring the Girl in a Relationship

I have always been confused by the men who refuse to hang out with me or want to wait to get to know me until I am single.  I have difficulty comprehending the logic behind a man ignoring me while I am in a relationship and then pouncing when I am single.  What message are you portraying?  That a woman is only worth your time if she is single?  Are you surrounded by only friends of the same gender?  That sounds so boring, and offers you a very one sided perspective on the world.  Perhaps you have been friend zoned once or twice and believe the myth that you can never leave the friend zone once you enter.  The hint in that last sentence was the word myth…but I will save that for a different post.

If the message you would like me to extract from this type of behaviour, is that I am only fuckable, well then I am flattered.  And you will never get in my pants.  Being in an open relationship, you would deduce that this would be the perfect opportunity to try an only screw me, and yet dear guy, that is also not the case adding to my puzzlement.  This sort of mindset could be part of a bigger problem,and that I predict relates directly to a lower than average success rate in you getting laid in general.  It turns out that if a woman is seeking more than just a one time fling, sex is much more satisfying mentally and physically if there is a bit of history created.  We like to know a bit about the guy that is going to try and stick something in us.  Call us crazy if you will.  If you would like a stat to give you a better frame of reference, there are a bunch of guys whose sole goal in life was getting laid, and they said the magic number was 7.  Yes, 7 hours of time spent with a woman would result in giving a guy the best shot at getting in her pants.  Whether you agree with this or not, the point is, it takes more than a few exchanged pleasantries to establish yourself enough to become intimate.

And my final speculation on the matter, is that you are just plain insecure.  Whether the insecurities lead you to be jealous, depressed, self conscious or a whole heap of other emotional ailments, please keep your distance.  I do not accept that sort of drama in myself, so clearly, I would not entertain that from a partner. I work hard to self reflect on the cause and effect of every negative emotion I have, especially when it affects those around me, and I can only imagine a world where everyone did the same.  I am not your personal therapist, or self esteem coach.  Men often remark on how important self confidence is in a woman, so it should be no wonder that woman would feel that trait is important in her mate too.  I am not asking you to pretend to be interested in me, quite the contrary.  Figure out why a person is only worth getting to know if they are single, what in your mind changes about that person.  If they are not worth your time while they are partnered up, then I have troubles understanding why that changes when they are free.  Thoughts and perspectives are always appreciated.